


Balance

by HeraForce



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka starts story at 18, Complicated Relationships, Could Be Canon, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fivesoka, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Fulcrum, Happy Ending, Insecurities, Jealousy, Romance, Smut, Some Humor, multiple lovers, rexsoka, spy games
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:02:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 34,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26087644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeraForce/pseuds/HeraForce
Summary: A story about how Ahsoka Tano finds and ultimately brings balance to the galaxy through her love and complicated relationships with two very different men, who happen to be clones.(Largely follows canon timeline, beginning with the Season 7 finale of Clone Wars; then covers the period before and during Rebels; and ends by setting up potential events in Season 2 of the Mandalorian.)
Relationships: CT-27-5555 | Fives | ARC-5555/Ahsoka Tano, CT-7567 | Rex/Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 82
Kudos: 106





	1. After the Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rex and Ahsoka deal with the aftermath of Order 66 on a small abandoned moon, after losing all of their men.

** 19 BBY **

They both slid out of the Y-Wing, silently inspecting each other for injuries; a ritual they’d fallen into after every battle since Geonosis.

Only this hadn’t been an ordinary battle. They hadn’t just fought legions of seppies or battle droids.

No. They had just fought their own men.

Rex’s brothers. Men who shared his face. Men he had fought alongside for years, though it often felt more like a lifetime given the short life of a clone.

They were Ahsoka’s brothers too. Brothers who insisted on calling her Commander as a sign of respect, even though she no longer held the rank. Many had died with helmets that still bore her orange facial markings--the image seared painfully in her mind forever.

Their brothers had tried to kill them. _Good Soldiers Follow Orders._

But now they were dead. And Ahsoka and Rex had survived.

Standing there together before the wreckage of the Star Destroyer, and out of immediate danger, the enormity of everything that had just unfolded hit the two of them like a wall. 

Rex winced as he saw all the scrapes and burns over Ahsoka’s shoulders, face, and legs. He looked away in shame and sadness. _Had he fired some of those shots? Why hadn’t he listened to Fives and prevented all of this from happening? Why had Ahsoka saved him when all of his brothers deserved to be standing here with them?_

He looked over at the Venator and then back at Ahsoka, who was avoiding his gaze too. He mumbled something about finding bacta patches and turned to walk toward the crashed destroyer.

Ahsoka stayed rooted to the spot, afraid that if she followed him, he would push her away. And the thought of him pushing her away, now, after everything they had gone through together made her feel emptier still. She felt waves of shame and sadness. _How could Rex ever forgive her for setting Maul free to kill his brothers? For not telling the Jedi Council what Maul had told her about Sidious?_

Maybe those men, those good men, would still be here if she had just gotten over her own mistrust of the Council. 

By the time Rex had reached the destroyer, he’d forgotten all about the bacta patches. He simply looked dazedly at the mangled, dead bodies. Most seemed unrecognizable amidst the twisted steel of the ship. Smoke and fire burned his lungs. But he didn’t dare look away now. He couldn’t bear looking at her. _How could she ever forgive him?_

After what felt an eternity, he heard movement to his left and saw, out of the corner of his eye, Ahsoka moving on the other side of the wreckage. Through the smoke, he turned to watch as she slowly pulled one of his dead brother’s bodies out from the wreckage to a small clearing in front of the ship. _What was she doing?_

She then picked up what looked like a shovel and started digging in the ground. _Where did she get a shovel from?_ Rex thought. _And why was she burying his brother?_ Clones never got burials. She knew that better than anyone. Clones didn’t get the honor of funerals. They didn’t get that kind of respect or closure.

Even Fives who had been shot on Coruscant had not been given a proper farewell….

 _Well that was different. One last secret,_ Rex thought.

Remembering Fives, Rex felt himself smile for the first time since he’d seen Ahsoka capture Maul back on Mandalore. Fives had saved him and Ahsoka in more ways than one today.

 _Thank you, Fives_.

Had Fives been here now though, he would have likely slapped Rex, telling him not to be such a coward. Not after everything that had just happened. Even if she hated him, he had to stand by her. Protect her. Give her whatever she needed. _Be_ whatever she needed. Reluctantly, he walked over to Ahsoka, still avoiding her gaze.

“Hey kid, let me help you with that,” stretching his arms out so she could give him the shovel.

Ahsoka looked up at him from the small pit she had already dug. It made her seem smaller and oddly diminished.

She didn’t make any movement to hand him the shovel. Instead, tears began streaming down her face for the first time. She turned her face down toward the ground. “Rex, I’m so sorry….” she whispered. “I shouldn’t have let Maul out. I just couldn’t think of another way to… survive….”

“No kid,” he interrupted her. He couldn’t stand her taking the blame for this. “No, _I’m sorry_. I don’t know how you’ll ever forgive me for almost killing you….” He stopped, feeling like all the air had left his body. “If I had only listened to Fives sooner… I could have saved …”

Wordlessly, Ahsoka climbed out of the grave. Still staring at the ground, she wrapped her slender but strong arms around his waist before he could finish his sentence. He grabbed hold of her, pulling her head to his chest. She felt his body shake as he sobbed into her montrals. The two of them melted into each other, as he gently stroked her lekku. She squeezed him tighter. All that could be heard was the sound of their crying.

Minutes passed.

Rex started to release Ahsoka, looking—for the first time, since she’d taken off his helmet on the deck of the Venator—directly into those piercing blue eyes. Eyes he looked for before, during, and after each mission. Eyes that reassured him. Calmed him. Gave him hope and light. Made him feel human and whole, when he was so often made to feel less than. Eyes that he had missed so much when she went away…

Seeing them now filled with such hurt only made the stabbing pain in Rex’s heart deepen. He pulled further away from her in his shame. He didn’t deserve her comfort after all that happened.

“Sorry, kid.”

“No!” Ahsoka shouted with such uncharacteristic intensity, it took him aback. “No, Rex. Don’t pull away from me now.”

Keeping her eyes locked on his, she moved her face toward his, very slowly. Rex couldn’t process what she was doing, as she inched closer and closer. Ahsoka put her hands gently to either side of his face, then pulled him the rest of the way down, pressing her lips firmly against his.

He leaped back, more in surprise than anything else.

Ahsoka winced at his response, searching his face. _Had she, in all her own pain, somehow misread his feelings in the Force?_

She took in his honey colored eyes and dark, strong brow and olive skin, which contrasted curiously against his short blonde hair. His face had sunken in quite a bit in the year she’d been away. So much sadness and loss etched in his face. She finally focused on his lips. Those lips that always curved into a crooked half-smile when he called her “kid.” She felt heat rising within her, as he self-consciously licked them under her piercing gaze.

“Rex. Please….” She whispered, her voice mixed with hurt, vulnerability, and ( _yes, there was no denying it_ ) … hunger.

It was like a dam had broken inside him. This time, he grabbed her face, not at all gently. He crashed his lips against hers. 

_This can’t be real--_ Rex thought before his mind went completely blank. 


	2. A Long-Awaited Embrace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things heat up quickly between the former Captain and Commander on the moon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Remember, Consent is sexy!) Ahsoka is 18.

As they deepened their kiss, Ahsoka rubbed her hands appreciatively across Rex's wide back. Even with his plastoid armor still on, he could feel her heat radiating through.

_No. This was very real._

Without further hesitation, he picked up his former commander in his arms. Instinctively, she wrapped her strong legs around his waist, as he carried her back to the Y-Wing—away from the smell of death, fire, and smoke.

Since they hadn’t had time to set up a shelter yet, he sat them both down on the cold hard surface of the moon, not daring to break their kiss.

He began taking off his gloves to feel her skin. She felt so delightfully soft and warm under his calloused hands. As he continued to explore her body, still kissing her deeply, he felt a sharp tug at his waist as she expertly unclasped his _kama_ and belt. _Where had she learned that?_

He released their kiss to quickly strip off his blue pauldron, the armor, and blacks protecting his chest and arms--afraid she might rip those off his body as well.

Now with only his bottom half covered, he turned his attention back to her. He put his arms, tentatively around her waist, fumbling to take off her belt and beskar armor. Ahsoka gently guided his hands to the sides, where he found the magnetic clips to release them.

His hands were shaking.

 _He’s as nervous me_ , thought Ahsoka. The realization made her feel braver. Bolder.

She stood up and unzipped her dress in one fluid movement, taking pleasure in the ways Rex’s eyes widened as she slipped her arms out of the top.

Encouraged by his response, she slid the dress further down over her hips, slowly, more seductively.

Rex couldn’t stop drinking her in with his eyes. She still had on a wrapping around her breasts, and she had not taken off her leggings or boots, but Rex couldn’t help but marvel at how much she had grown in the past year—not just in height but also in the shape and contour of her body. Kriff, Ahsoka was now a beautiful, strong woman. _More beautiful than he’d ever seen._

A cold breeze hit them both, sending a noticeable shiver through Ahsoka’s naturally warmer body, reminding Rex suddenly of how physically exposed they both were.

“Let me grab something,” he whispered as he dashed around the Y-wing, afraid that if he didn’t hurry back, she might disappear. Or worse yet, she might regret her decision to go down this path with him. 

He was back in moments with a sleeping bag, relieved to find that not only was Ahsoka still there, but she had taken off her boots, bracers, and leggings in the meantime.

As he finished unrolling the sleeping bag on the ground, Ahsoka moved toward him hungrily. He could see her chest rising and falling and swore he saw a glimpse of the hunter flash in her Togrutan eyes. The look deeply aroused him, making his codpiece feel suddenly very uncomfortable in its tightness.

As if reading his thoughts, Ahsoka said, “Rex, I’ve never been with a man before.” Her voice sounded deep and sultry, but underneath it, he heard her vulnerability.

“I know, ‘Soka. I’ll be careful,” he tried to reassure her both with his voice and eyes.

Though he was far from an expert himself, he had been with a few women in his short thirteen years of life, including a couple Togrutas who had looked eerily similar to his Commander—a memory that embarrassed him now. But without those experiences, he would have been at a complete loss now, when it mattered most. 

He wrapped his arms around Ahsoka again, and gently laid them both down on the sleeping bag, slowly kissing her neck, shoulders, and lekku. She let out a moan when he licked her sensitive right lek. The sound of her pleasure ran straight through his body. He wanted to hear her make that sound again and again. He began to pull off her breast coverings but then stopped himself. “Is it okay…. if I take this off?”

“Yes, Rex…” She said with certainty. He nodded, then slowly unwrapped her, letting her full breasts fall out. Grasping them in his hands, he took one of her nipples tentatively into his mouth. This time she made a soft purring sound at this contact.

Surprised, he looked up to find the source of the sound. But her eyes were closed and she was biting her lips seductively.

_Kriff, this is hot._

He continued to nip and lick his way further down her body. When he reached the last piece of cloth covering her lower body, Ahsoka indicated with her hands rather than words that he could pull them off. No sooner had they come off her legs than he put his face down between them, slowly breathing in her scent. It was intoxicating to him. Tentatively, he put his tongue on her. She let out a loud moan and purr, together this time.

“Rex…”

“Is this okay, Soka?” He broke contact to ask, looking up to see her reaction.

Her eyes were still shut. “Rex, don’t stop again.” She growled.

 _His Commander was growing impatient with his gentleness._ _Good_ , he chuckled to himself.

Eager to return to her body, he proceeded to pleasure her with his tongue. It was amazing to taste her. To take her in like this. To be so close to her. To have her trust him in such an intimate way. His codpiece was beginning to cause him serious pain, but he ignored it. _Always the good soldier._

He continued to pleasure her with his tongue until he felt Ahsoka’s legs stiffen, her toes curl, and then her whole body shake from the release.

Just as he was going to put his mouth on her to do it all over again, she grabbed his head and pulled him up. She kissed him passionately, tasting herself on his mouth. Her ever growing boldness was driving him mad. He felt overwhelmed with desire but held on to his last shred of self-control, not wanting to take it further if she didn’t want to.

“Ahsoka, we can stop here.”

“Rex, I want this. I want all of you.” She had never imagined she could feel such physical pleasures before. The Jedi had clearly failed to teach her about this. And she was eager to see what else lay ahead for them.

With that, Rex began taking off his codpiece and leg armor.

Ahsoka was coming down from her first high, looking curiously as he finally pulled off the bottom part of his body suit. She had never really seen a naked man before, not counting those awkward moments when she had accidentally run into some of the clones in the woods, when they had been relieving themselves between battles. But she had never seen them up close.

She felt the heat and wetness spread again between her legs as she took in Rex’s nakedness in full.

Following her eyes and sensing her curiosity, Rex guided her hand towards his length, moving it up and down with slow deliberate pressure. 

She bit her lips. _Stars, this is really happening_ , she thought excitedly.

Returning their eyes to one another, Rex laid her down on the sleeping bag once more. Taking care not to hurt her, he entered her slowly. He felt the pressure of her walls close around him. Steadying his breath, he stopped after this initial push, giving her time to adjust to the unfamiliar sensation or else to push him off it was becoming too much.

After a few moments, Ahsoka encouraged him to keep going, pulling him in deeper with her own legs, which were firmly wrapped around his waist. Her warmth and wetness made it easier for him to slide in further. She moaned as he made his way fully in, scraping her nails on his back and gently biting his shoulder as the pressure increased between her legs.

Somewhere in both their minds, they heard the refrain that had saved them on the destroyer.

_I am one with the Force and the Force is with me._

He reached down with his hand to touch her slit again, and was surprised to feel her pleasure reverberate back into his own body. _Was that even possible?_ He tried it again. Sure enough, he could feel her body’s response to his touch as if it was happening to him. _Was she, in turn, feeling his pleasures as well?_

He quickened his pace, moving in and out faster, while his fingers continued to work her body from the outside. They were both panting now, Ahsoka still making that inexplicable sound somewhere between a moan and purr. Rex put her lek in his mouth, and again he felt her pleasures mirrored back through his own body. Then for a second time, he felt Ahsoka’s entire body begin to quiver, and they both were pushed over the ledge together. Waves of pleasure rolling back and forth between them as they slowly came down.

When they finally separated, Rex kissed her again with all the tenderness he felt in his heart, before rolling on his back—slightly out of breath. Ahsoka put her head lovingly on his chest, slowly rubbing her fingers over the old blaster mark near his heart--a reminder of how he had almost been killed on Saleucami. She draped her leg protectively over his body, as he silently stroked her lek, staring up at the sky.


	3. Attachments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka and Rex try to make sense of their complicated feelings, reflecting back on their past and the changing nature of their relationship.

They lay in their sleeping bag for some time not speaking, Ahsoka still laying comfortably in Rex’s arms. 

“Rex?” Ahsoka finally broke the silence.

“Yes, cyare?” he asked stroking her lek lovingly.

Ahsoka smiled to herself, knowing the Mando’a word for “beloved” was one the clones did not bestow on just anyone. "Was this…” she paused for a moment, feeling uncertain for the first time since she’d leaned in to kiss him. “Was this okay?”

He felt his chest tighten at the vulnerability in her voice. “Yeah cyare. _More than okay_.” He heard her audibly sigh with relief.

“If I’m being honest with you,” Rex continued, “I’ve dreamed about this for a long time….” He paused and frowned. His voice became suddenly softer, sadder. “Well, not exactly this.”

Ahsoka knew what he meant. They both turned their heads to the wreckage and all the feelings of pain and loss that had been held at bay washed back over them again without mercy.

Rex felt her tears hitting his chest. Holding on to her tighter, he tried through his touch to convey the confusing emotions and thoughts that raced through his head as well.

Finally, he said with great tenderness in his voice, “Ahsoka, I never thought I would get to hold you like this. To share myself with you like this. When you left the Jedi Council, I almost didn’t make it...” He stopped, trying to find the words. He had never quite learned how to talk about his emotions. _Good soldiers follow orders_.

“And now you’re here. But they are...” he looked again at the ship. “They are gone. And it’s just so cruel. I got you back only to lose them.” This time, he could not go on.

She kissed him gently and put her head back down on his chest, feeling his pain through the Force.

They continued to cry and hold one another until the darkening sky re-triggered the soldier instincts in them both—the ones that had helped them survive Order 66.

 _Food. Shelter. Warmth_. Otherwise, they were going to freeze the night.

****

Silently, they pitched a tent they found in the lower compartments of the Y-Wing. Ahsoka started a fire just outside it, and they sat down next to each other huddled under a single blanket. They both stared at the flames, eating ration bars they’d found in the same pack.

This time, it was Rex who interrupted their silent vigil.

“I’m confused, Ahsoka. You told me on the ship that I was a friend. A good friend. And yet here we are.”

Ahsoka looked up a bit alarmed. _Was he regretting it now?_

“Don’t get me wrong,” he said quickly, seeing her worried reaction. “I’m so happy that we are, but I wish I had known you felt this way before.”

“Rex,” she said with a relieved smile, “I’ve had feelings for you since I met you on Christophsis.” He gave her his familiar incredulous, half-smile, unsure whether she was joking or not.

She continued. “I'm being serious, Rex. I mean the Jedi code and rules about attachment definitely didn’t make it easy for me to do anything about it. But from that very first time I saw you, I wanted you to like me. I didn’t really know what that meant at first, having had no experience or guidance. I only knew that I wanted to impress you. Later, after the blue shadow virus on Naboo, I realized I wanted you to find me attractive, like I found you. But you reminded me time and again that I was just a little girl to you. Always calling me youngling, little ‘un, and… kid.”

Her lekku darkened in embarrassment.

Rex couldn’t help but chuckle. “Yeah well that’s because you _were_ a kid, in that silly tube top.”

“Hey! You’re technically younger than me,” she snorted with so much of her old snippiness that Rex laughed again.

“Well you didn’t _stay_ little for long. You started to grow up. Anyone with eyes could see that you were maturing….” Rex cleared his throat awkwardly, “umm, physically.” He scratched the back of his head, something he did whenever he was nervous or uncomfortable. Ahsoka knew the move well.

Then he continued.

“But you were growing up in the ways that mattered much more to me. Because of this _kriffing_ war, you were shouldering the responsibilities of people decades older than yourself. I could see a real sadness growing inside of you but also an unmatched strength. Where before I’d only seen your childish enthusiasm for proving yourself in war, over time, I noticed you were becoming more subdued, serious, and deliberate about the battles. I saw how you reacted when we lost men. You didn’t act like they were meaningless deaths, like some of the other Jedi.”

The memory triggered a feeling of resentment and anger toward the Jedi. But then Rex immediately felt ashamed, given everything that had just unfolded between his vode and the _jetii_. He shook those dark thoughts aside.

He wanted Ahsoka to know how he felt about _her_.

“I started seeing you differently. Really, it was after Umbara that I felt the change. It was like I’d seen a light. I didn’t know what that meant at the time. Only when you left the Jedi did I realize that what I was feeling for you wasn’t exactly the protective affections of an ‘older brother,’ as I had tried to convince myself since Umbara. And I wasn’t the only one…. “

She turned herself fully to face him. “What do you mean?”

Rex gently pulled her to his chest so he could kiss the top of her montrals but avoid her puzzled stare.

“Ah, it isn’t my place to share, cyare. But all I can say is that it took the older boys—Kix, Fives, Tup, Jes…” he couldn’t bear to say Jesse’s name. It was still too raw. “..for me to realize what I was feeling for you when you left….”

Rex sighed and braced himself. “… To realize I love you. That I’m _in love_ with you.”

Ahsoka felt her heart pounding. She used her hand to gently move his head around so she could give him another deep kiss.

Pulling back, she said softly: “Rex, I’ve loved you too, and for a very long time. Of course, it started out as an innocent crush, but over time, it grew into something deeper too. No one else showed me the respect and care you did. Not even Ana….” It was the first time she’d said her Master’s name since Order 66, and the pain of knowing she had lost him stopped her. Rex squeezed her hand, knowingly.

After a moment to collect herself, she continued.

“You became my anchor, Rex, when I was being dragged away by the currents of the war. I always looked for you in the heat of battle. You would give me a slight nod of encouragement, and I knew I’d be okay. After the battles, you and Fives were the only ones I could ever talk to about my feelings. The Jedi were no help. Even Barriss…” Rex cursed in Huttese at the sound of her name.

“I know, Rex. But I mean _before_ she betrayed me. She was my only real Padawan friend. And she was good at giving advice about Jedi training, healing, and meditation, but I could never talk to her about my feelings; about all the confusing contradictions around attachments and loss. She was too much of a Jedi for all that. I really only shared that with you two. And while Fives was always amazing for getting a dramatic reaction—helping fuel my fire when I needed that—you knew how to calm me down. To make me think clearly.”

Rex gave her an enigmatic smile that Ahsoka couldn’t read. “What?” she asked curiously.

“Nothing,” Rex said with a knowing grin across his face, thinking again of Fives. “Right, so I calmed you down...” trying to get her to focus again.

“Yes, you grounded me,” she continued a bit more uncertainly. _He was definitely not telling her something._ But she decided to let it go for now.

“You made me feel safe. I found myself needing to be around you whenever I could. And I didn’t give a _kriff_ about the Jedi code. I just knew that if you felt the same way I would have thrown it all away.” Her lekku darkened again. He found it incredibly endearing. After everything they had just gone through, she still felt uncomfortable opening up to him.

He decided to return the favor.

“Kid…” she raised her eye markings at his renewed use of her old nickname. He smiled and corrected himself. “Ahsoka, I felt the same way about you.”

She looked up again surprised. “Yeah?”

“Yes, cyare. Like I said, the turning point was Umbara. Do you remember what happened after Umbara?”

Ahsoka’s mind raced back to that dark moment.

Rex took a deep breath. “You came down to the barracks after we had arrived back on Coruscant. All the boys were sitting together on their bunks. All of us were so full of rage. Pain. We were suffering. And I… I was so ashamed of myself. I hadn’t done enough to protect my men. I had almost gotten Fives and Jes…” again he couldn’t bear to say his name.

“I had almost gotten _them_ executed by their own brothers because I was too much of a coward to do what was right. To be my own man. Fives had been brave. He had told me not to listen to Krell. But because of me, good men, my brothers, died.”

The parallel to their current situation made the memory of Umbara somehow more painful.

Ahsoka took his hand in hers, squeezing it to let him know that she understood.

Finally collecting himself, Rex went on.

“Well I sat on a bunk far away from the men, but I was watching you the whole time. You walked in, and at first everyone turned away from you. No one wanted to be around a _karking_ _Jedi_ —no offense--after what we’d been through. But you didn’t let it stop you. You just walked into the room and sat next to Tup on his bunk. Sweet Tup.” Rex almost started crying again remembering another of his fallen _vod’ika_.

Rex's voice was now thick with emotion. “And you grabbed his hand and squeezed it just like you’re doing now with me. I’ll never forget it, Ahsoka. Tup turned around and gave you the biggest, most heartfelt hug. And you rubbed his back and told him how sorry you were for what Krell had done…”

Suddenly he sounded serious and angry again. “You know? No other Jedi apologized to us for what we went through on Umbara. For what Krell did!” _Another bitter memory of the Jedi to set aside. Now was not the time._

His voice softened. “Well, some invisible barrier broke down in the room, and all the men started to cry, seeing you and Tup embracing like that. Even Fives started crying. And you stayed there with us all night, patiently, lovingly listening to my brothers as they yelled, cried, and broke down like the children that they still were deep down inside. You hugged each of them. None of them had ever known any affection from anyone but their fellow _vod,_ and here you were, a Jedi—a symbol that had been shattered in our minds after Krell—showing them unconditional love and care. And after listening to all of them, you came over to me. You put your head on my shoulder. And do you remember what you told me?”

“I…” Ahsoka struggled to remember.

Rex helped her out. “You said, ‘Rexster, it’s not your fault.’ You repeated that phrase over and over again. I left the barracks a few minutes later and cried in the ‘fresher for the first time since we’d lost Echo.”

He continued, as Ahsoka reflected back on the memory too. 

“Ahsoka, your presence that day, it woke something deep inside of me that, like I said, I wasn’t ready yet to accept at that moment. To name it. But I knew that my entire view of the War had shifted after Umbara. I didn’t _kriffing_ care about any of it. The War. The Jedi. I didn’t even really care about the Republic, if it came down to it. What had the Republic ever done to us clones except force us to do its bidding?”

Rex could feel his temper rising for the third time.

“Words like freedom and democracy meant nothing to me at that moment. Falsehoods they’d planted inside my brain to make me pliable and loyal, just as Cut had tried to warn me all those years before. _No_. What mattered to me from that moment on were the men around me. My brothers. The Generals. And _you_. I decided that day I would do everything in my power to protect you and them. And especially _you_. You became my purpose. That’s why I signed up for the Force forsaken mission to Kadavo…”

“Oh, Rex, don’t remind me of Kadavo,” Ahsoka interrupted, remembering their terrifying ordeal on the slavers’ planet.

“And Onderon” Rex pushed on. “You know? General Kenobi wanted Cody to go, but I insisted it be me. And after Umbara, well, General Skywalker….” He stopped as Ahsoka audibly sucked in air at the name, as if in physical pain. He squeezed her hand again. 

“Well he knew he owed me. It was his way of apologizing for Umbara. So, he insisted it be me. And we arrived on Onderon, and you and that useless pretty boy…”

“Lux,” Ahsoka interjected again, slightly amused at the petty slight on her old friend. “Oh, come on, Rex. You weren’t jealous of Lux, were you?” She felt a teasing smile cross her face.

Rex wasn’t smiling. “I knew I _did not_ like the Seppie kid. And I didn’t like the way you pined after him either, the little _Di’kut,_ ” he mumbled something inaudible under his breath.

“I did not…”

“Yes, _you pined_ , Ahsoka. Even the oblivious General could sense it,” Rex sounded annoyed by her denial.

This memory of Anakin and Rex’s reactions made Ahsoka laugh. “You’re right. But it was a crush. You know years of having you and the other boys treat me like a silly little girl…” she paused, trying to choose her next words carefully. “Let’s just say I was drawn to Lux. He was around the same age as me and he made his attraction to me obvious, without being a sleemo about it the way some of the other men around us did.”

“Wait, who was a sleemo to you?” Rex interrupted, sounding so endearingly like his old, protective self.

Ahsoka thought for a moment: _Tarkin, Senator Taa, the Chancellor_. She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. The point is that I had all but given up on you and…”

“And?” Rex asked suspiciously. _Wait. Did she have feelings for someone else in the 501 st? Was it the General?_ He was so sure Ahsoka had known about Anakin and the Senator.

Ahsoka seemed eager to move on. “And well, I frankly found it flattering to be desired rather than always being the one who desires. I liked the attention Lux had given me in the past, even if he did turn into a real _di’kut_ in the end.”

It was Rex’s turn to laugh.

“But by then, me and you didn’t really get to spend much time together. Then the Temple bombing happened.”

That sobered them both up.

“And… I…” she didn’t know if she wanted to go on.

“And you left us,” Rex quietly finished the sentence for her.

“Yes, but only after everyone turned on me. Even you,” she said with a rising edge in her voice. 

Rex turned around fully so that they were staring directly at one another again. “Ahsoka, look at me. I took your side from the very beginning. Through it all. I even punched that worthless piece of _osik_ , Fox, on your behalf when I saw him hanging around our ‘79s after you were cleared. You have to know that the boys in the 501st and 212st didn’t turn on you, right?”

“I know Rex. But it didn’t feel great having you and the other boys chase me through the tunnels like some kind of criminal. It was one of the reasons I couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye to you. To any of you. It felt overwhelming, especially after I’d already hurt my Master.”

The silence hung between them.

“Ahsoka, did you love the General?” Rex’s voice sounded small as he braced himself for her response.

“Of course, Rex. He was…” she choked up again. “He was like my older brother.” Tears started falling down her face.

Rex let out a sigh of relief. Ahsoka looked searchingly at Rex, confused by his reaction.

“I just wasn’t sure if you were _in love_ with him, cyare. You keep referring to another… So, if it wasn’t the General and it wasn't Lux, then who was it?”

She wiped away her tears, trying to reclaim her composure. “What did I just say? I was _infatuated_ with Lux. And I loved my Master as a brother. I never loved him _like that_. And I love Padme and would never do anything to hurt her.” Her mind wandered for a moment to the poor Senator. What was she going to do now that Anakin was gone? Ahsoka tried to sense her in the Force but got nothing back.

Rex, meanwhile, had noticed the way she had successfully deflected the question about who else she loved for a second time. But he begrudgingly (and rather jealously) decided to let it go.

 _He had his secrets too_ , after all.

They continued to talk for hours. Reminiscing. Crying. Laughing. They fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms in the same sleeping bag.

****

The next morning, they awoke still feeling drained physically and emotionally, but they also noticed how the pain of the previous day had lessened ever so slightly. They had, at the very least, forgiven each other.

More importantly, they had finally brought their love out into the open. It was a much-needed salve and lifeline for them both, amidst the death and destruction that fully surrounded them.

As they began to dress, they made a decision about their next move.

With Ahsoka’s urging, they decided the best way for them to move forward was to continue what she had started the previous day-- to honor the men who had died on the Venator by burying them as human beings. Their brothers deserved that at least. Barely speaking to each other for the next few hours, Ahsoka and Rex set about the sad, difficult, and painful work of pulling out their brothers’ remains one by one, then digging them graves. Each time they put one of their vod in the ground, one of them said something about the man. A small memory. A story. Even if they didn’t know him well, which was particularly the case with some of the shinies, they simply said their chosen names aloud. Returning their spirits to the Force.

When the sun went down, they crawled their exhausted bodies into their tent and into each other’s arms, pouring all their pain, regrets, but also devotion for one another into their love making. They explored their feelings of love and loss through their bodies, healing and pleasing each other in a slow, sad dance, night after night.

On their fourth night, Rex finally brought up what was clearly weighing on both their minds. “Cyare, you know we can’t stay here forever. We are already running low on rations. And they may be coming for us at any moment.”

“I know, love,” Ahsoka sighed. “But let us finish with the boys first.”

“Yeah. We have to do right by them first.” He assented. Grateful that for now, they could postpone the inevitable.

Over the next few days, they found themselves purposely slowing down, dragging out their work on that barren moon. Burying their brothers during the day. Exploring their love with each other at night. By the eighth day, Ahsoka had started to repair R7, hoping they could use him to find out of where they were in the galaxy and perhaps get news of the outside world.

Finally, by the tenth day, they had no more men to bury. And their rations were nearly finished. Rex carried the shovel back to the repaired Y-Wing, watching mournfully as Ahsoka placed her lightsaber—her last link to the Jedis, her last link to her Master-- in front of his brothers’ graves. A final and fitting goodbye to their previous life. Force knew what the future held for them.


	4. This Galaxy is a Cruel Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think the chapter title says it all.  
> :(

Leaving the moon on the Y-wing, Rex and Ahsoka decided to go to the nearest planet--home to a small mining colony. Mining colonies were full of strange wanderers and people looking to escape prying eyes. Hopefully the ideal place to hide in plain sight.

The pair arrived at night, finding an area far away from the main settlement. Ahsoka expertly landed their ship inside a deep ravine that only she could get in and out of using the Force. They didn’t have any credits between the two of them. So they chose to camp at the top of the ravine next to a densely forested area for the night, hoping to stave off the growing hunger they both felt. 

By the next morning, Rex had made up his mind that he would go into town and steal food if he needed to. _He was going to take care of Ahsoka, no matter the cost._

They went over their plan again. It seemed a good one. He would leave their camp first, scope out the town, get some news about what had happened since Order 66, and hopefully find some food. Then he would signal for Ahsoka to join him.

Ahsoka thought if they were really lucky, he could find someone to buy the Y-Wing, so that they could settle for a few weeks until they came up with a better plan.

But luck was not on their side that day.

_*******_

After wandering the town for a few hours, Rex had finally managed to get some fruits and vegetables from a kind old vendor, who had taken pity on him, giving him the food for free. What he’d heard that day from others in the mining colony about what had happened since Order 66 had been deeply disturbing. But he thought ( _or hoped_ ) that for the moment, the two of them might still be safe here--far from the Inner Rim. 

Using a commlink he’d found in the wreckage of their old Star Destroyer, he gave Ahsoka the all clear to come into the settlement.

But just as he saw Ahsoka’s outline emerge at the far end of the main street, Rex heard the familiar sound of plastoid boots marching in unison. He spun around and watched in horror as an entire platoon of clones entered the town from the opposite direction. From their colors, he guessed they were General Mundi’s elite clone troopers—Bacara’s boys. _What were they karking doing here_? he thought angrily.

Rex tried to silently motion for Ahsoka to turn around, but it was too late.

One of the officers at the front spotted her, possibly recognizing her from the time they’d fought alongside one another at the second battle of Geonosis.

“Jedi!” the clone officer shouted.

Ahsoka didn’t need another warning.

She turned around and ran as fast as she could back toward the ship. She didn’t have anything to protect herself this time. Her lightsabers were gone. She had no blasters. No shields.

She only had the Force and her wits, training, and innate need to survive to keep her alive now. In her rush to get away, she didn’t see if Rex was following her.

Rex, for his part, ducked down an alleyway, hoping to get around the clones so he could meet her at the Y-Wing.

With the help of the Force, Ahsoka outpaced her pursuers so quickly that she couldn’t see them over her shoulder after a few minutes. _This can’t be happening again!_ She felt as if she were going to be sick. Flashes from the Venator hit her; images of her running for her life through the halls of the destroyer. These then mixed in with images of her running through the tunnels of Coruscant like a dangerous criminal.

She was being hunted _AGAIN._ By Clones! By the very men she was supposed to trust. Tears were streaming down her face now. _She would never again be safe in this whole galaxy._

As she neared the woods, she drew even further on the Force to sprint faster back toward their craft.

When she got to the top of the ravine where the Y-Wing was hidden, Rex was nowhere to be found. She looked around desperately. _Where was he?!_

She waited for what felt an eternity, all the while expecting the Clone troopers to surround her. Finally, desperate to do _something_ , she decided she would get their ship, fly back to the settlement, and try to use the ship’s guns to free Rex, if he had indeed been taken.

Just as she was preparing to jump down to the Y-Wing, however, she saw Rex limping toward her. He was covered in blood and bruises. “Oh Force! Rex what happened?” Ahsoka shouted, running into his arms. He winced as she squeezed him. “I’m okay, cyare. I think they may have broken my ribs, but I’m okay.” He tried to smile bravely.

“What happened?!” she yelled again, frustrated and scared by his response.

“They saw you running and then a few of them caught sight of me trying to run around them. I don’t know if they realized I was with you, but they definitely knew I was a deserter. One group continued to run after you. But another caught up to me. They started to beat me down.”

“How did you get away?”

“Bacara, their commander, took pity on me. He and I have a long history. I don’t know if that was the reason, but he told me to get out of there. He held his _vode_ back. But I waited a little while to make sure I wasn’t followed and then came here. How did the others not catch you?”

“I don’t know, Rex!” she was still shouting. “I just used the Force to outrun them. I don’t know why they stopped. We need to get out of here now!”

Without asking permission, Ahsoka grabbed Rex and pulled them down the hundred-meter drop to their ship. As soon as they landed, hard, she jumped into the ship. She found the medical bag they’d snagged from the Venator. She came back to the ground, her hands shaking as she put bacta patches all over his body and face. He looked horrible. His cheek and mouth were oozing with blood, and his left eye was swollen and already bruising.

“Rex, we can’t do this. We—we will never be safe. You will never be safe with me….” She whimpered.

“ _What ‘Soka?!_ After everything?! After everyone we’ve lost, we _HAVE_ to stay together.” It was his turn to be angry.

“No! I’m a danger to you, Rex. And you’re… you’re a danger to me. And the only reason those men didn’t kill you was because they didn’t know we were together. They would have killed you, just like Jesse would have killed you. We are fugitives of the Republic….”

“The Empire actually…” he quietly corrected her.

“The what?!” Ahsoka stopped short.

“We now live under the rule of the Galactic Empire…” he let out a deep sigh. “But that’s really not important now.”

He was right. It didn’t matter what was happening in the wider galaxy. All Ahsoka knew was that they were in immediate danger. They had to focus on their survival right now.

“Please believe me, I don’t want to leave you, Rex. But I also can’t _lose you._ Not after losing… Please….” She was breathing so rapidly now that Rex was worried that she was going to faint. He rubbed her back gently, even though he could barely move his arms from the pain of his ribs.

“No, cyare. You’re stuck with me. We _will_ protect each other, just like we did on that Star Destroyer. Just like we’ve done countless times in battle. We’ll do it again and again if we have to. And I know there are _vode_ out there who fought the chip. I can just feel it. I wasn’t the only one who had access to Fives’ files. Cody. Wolffe. Bly. We can go out there together and find them. Maybe some of the Jedi survived too. Obi-Wan. Plo Kloon. We can protect each other. Power in numbers.”

That sounded so nice. Ahsoka slowed down her breathing for a moment. _If only it were possible,_ she thought sadly.

“Okay love,” she told him more calmly. “Let’s get off this planet, in case they come looking for us. And we’ll come up with another plan there.”

Rex seemed surprised, but deeply relieved, by her sudden turnaround.

****

They decided their next stop would have to be a bit further out, though the Y-wing didn’t have much fuel left and couldn’t go into hyperspace. On their map they found on a small, seemingly unremarkable agricultural planet on the other side of the moon they’d left the day before. Again, they tried to land far away from any town or settlement.

Setting up their tent quickly, Ahsoka checked over Rex’s wounds again, reapplying new bacta patches to the ones that looked like they were getting infected. She kept kissing him. Hugging him.

Even with all his injuries, they even managed to make love again—albeit very tenderly and carefully—before falling asleep in each other’s arms.

Before the sun was up, Ahsoka rolled away from Rex. Though his eyes were still closed, Rex immediately flung his arms around her to drag her back. “Where are you going, cyare?”

“I’m sorry, Rex,” she whispered, kissing him gently on the cheek but moving away from him nevertheless.

“You’re leaving me, aren’t you?” he didn’t sound angry anymore. He sounded resigned. Somehow that broke her heart even more.

“Rex,” she said tears falling down her face.

She placed her hand on his face again. If she didn’t leave soon, she’d never have the strength to do it. “I know you want to believe otherwise, but we _can’t_ keep each other safe. We are going to get each other killed or taken by the Repub… the Empire. I can’t bear the thought of them getting you _because of me._ And I don’t ever want to make you choose between your vode and me again.”

Rex didn’t argue back. Some deep part of him—the experienced veteran of a long and bloody war—saw the truth in what she was saying. It didn’t feel good or right, but it made strategic sense. Together they were much more likely to be recognized.

But after finally getting to love her the way he’d wanted to for so long, it seemed all too tragic to part this way.

 _Force, this galaxy is a cruel place_ , he angrily told himself, as his eyes stung with fresh tears.

She insisted he keep the Y-Wing, the last of their rations, the medical supplies. She handed him the commlink. He tried to protest, but found all the fight had left him.

Ahsoka told him to try to contact her through the older GAR channels, which hadn’t been used for years. They were less likely to be monitored. He nodded his head as she rattled off this information but didn’t utter a word himself. “I love you Rex” Ahsoka said quietly.

And with one more sad, prolonged kiss goodbye, she left. She left him.

Ahsoka made her way toward the planet’s small spaceport. She felt a sickening pain in her chest as she snuck onto a small cargo ship, which she desperately hoped was heading to the Outer Rim. She hid among the boxes in the cargo hold and cried silently for hours.

She was leaving behind her last tether to her old life. Leaving her heart behind with Rex.


	5. Interlude I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Refers to some of the events that were covered in the EK Johnston Ahsoka novel.

_** Twelve Years Later. 7 BBY **_

Ahsoka Tano. Sometimes known as Ashla. Ayla. Ayoon. Codename Fulcrum.

Now the leading spy for the Rebel Alliance, the young, former Jedi had built a vast network of eyes and ears around the Galaxy on behalf of the Rebels.

Her work was dangerous and tiring. She never stayed on a planet longer than a few weeks. But it was also deeply fulfilling work, knowing she was fighting the Dark side and the cruelty, greed, violence, and tyranny it was spreading through the gleaming white efficiency of the Empire.

And for once, she was fighting entirely on her own terms. No more Jedi Council. No more politics.

She was no longer that scared, young ex-Jedi. She was an inspiration to other brave people who wanted to fight back. Along the way, she had made dear friends and dependable allies.

That didn’t mean she wasn’t lonely. The life of a spy is inherently solitary. Not many people to trust. Being a force wielder only made her existence lonelier, as she nearly always knew when someone was hiding something from her. 

Often, when she was on her ship alone, racing through hyperspace for hours at a time, she let her mind wander. _To think about Rex._

During the first year since she escaped on that cargo ship, leaving him behind, she had been on the run, briefly settling in Thabeska and then later Raada. She had decided it was too dangerous then to contact him.

But once she had become Fulcrum, with the help of Bail Organa and his allies, she was eager to find Rex.

She was worried that he was angry with her. Hurt. But no matter what he felt toward her now, she still needed to know if he was okay. She started sending messages out on the old GAR frequencies.

A few months later she received a coded transmission:

_[From ExperienceOutranksEverything to Kid:] You’re still alive?_

She nearly jumped out of her seat, a huge smile spreading across her face. She immediately wrote back.

_[NotAKid to Experience:] Very much alive. You?_

_[Experience to NotAKid:] Glad to hear it. I’m alive. Guess, that’s all that matters._

Ahsoka’s smile faded. He was still angry.

_[NotAKid to Experience:] I’m so sorry. I left the best part of me behind that day._

There was silence for a while. Then Rex wrote back.

_[BrokenHearted to Cyare:] I miss you._

_[Cyare to Anchor:] I miss you too. More than you’ll ever know. Where are you?_

Rex didn’t respond back. Ahsoka waited another three months before she heard from him again. The next time was six months later.

During each of their exchanges, Ahsoka asked Rex where he was, and he would promptly stop responding to the messages. Eventually she gave up asking. Mainly they used these brief interactions to check in, to make sure the other was still alive. A few times, she tried to ask him more about how he was doing.

She always received curt responses back. She felt a horrible heaviness after each of these interactions. And for weeks afterward, she couldn’t stop having nightmares about what had happened to Rex since they parted. Often, she would throw herself into her work just to lessen the pain.

If he had only said the word, she would have chased him down.

 _And maybe he knew that, which is why he didn’t._ That thought cut through her like durasteel. 

Nine years of these brief, sad exchanges and then they suddenly stopped. She didn’t know why. She could still sense Rex through the Force, but couldn’t tell why he was no longer answering her messages.

She continued to send them anyway. She had never stopped loving him, even if it had become too painful for him to love her back.

_Likely, he had moved on. Met someone else._

When Ahsoka felt herself slipping into the darkest, loneliest of places of her mind, she liked to imagine Rex on a farm like Cut and Suu, raising a family with a beautiful woman. A smile would cross her face imagining Rex happy, but it also hurt to think that she had not been the one to make him so.


	6. Ghost Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While on a mission as Fulcrum, Ahsoka runs into a ghost from her past.

** A year later. Year 6 BBY **

Ahsoka was on the rich forested planet of Barnaba, visiting an informant one of Saw Gerrera’s spies had tracked down.

At this point in the Rebellion, Fulcrum was only brought in to question the highest-level informants, when her particular skills as a Force wielder were needed. Knowing she was a top target for the Empire, Ahsoka felt it safer for everyone that she kept a lower profile.

This particular informant was going to give the Rebel Alliance a big lead on a secret Imperial weapons factory in the Outer Rim, which was making a new kind of super weapon. And so here she was.

Ahsoka landed her ship outside one of the planet’s major spaceports and headed toward the nearby town center, where she was supposed to meet the informant at a cantina called the “Teepa Bah.”

The former Jedi walked into the cantina and immediately searched for a table in one of the corners: the best spot to see but not be seen. Unfortunately, most of those tables were occupied. Frowning slightly, she noticed a booth on the far side of the room that looked as if it was about to be vacated.

A man with wavy salt and pepper hair and a matching goatee was passionately kissing a blonde woman. By the way they were leaning out the booth, it looked like they were on the verge of leaving to find a more “private” setting.

Ahsoka rolled her eyes at their sloppy, drunken embrace, though it also amused her to see people still enjoying their lives amidst all the suffering and pain of Imperial rule. She walked over, trying to decide how to tactfully ask them to leave, when the man looked up at her.

“Commander?!” he almost dropped the blonde.

Ahsoka could not believe her eyes.

_No! It couldn’t be?! He was dead!_

The man let out a laugh that Ahsoka had not heard in years.

*****

“Fives?!” she looked into those light brown eyes that were so familiar to her. His number 5 tattoo was most likely hidden under his hair, which was much longer than she’d ever seen it. He also looked considerably older. But there was no doubt it was him. 

“Most people…” he said rubbing the back of his head awkwardly, reminding her so forcefully of Rex it took her aback, “… call me Flex now.”

“But… but… how…..?” Ahsoka stuttered. All thoughts of the Rebellion and her reasons for being in the Teepa Bah immediately forgotten.

Fives raised an eyebrow. He looked first at Ahsoka then at his blonde companion, who seemed angry at this rude interruption. “Hey listen sweetheart, can we pick this up later? I’m staying at the Morolo Inn just down the street. Ask the front desk for Flex.”

He gave the woman a flirtatious wink. She did not seem pleased by this suggestion at all. Making a point of sloppily kissing Fives, while giving Ahsoka a stare that could melt beskar, the blonde woman reluctantly got out of the booth. 

Ahsoka felt her lekku darken and her cheeks grow hot.

Shaking the unbidden thoughts that had crept in, she suddenly remembered her mission. “Hey Fiv—I mean Flex, I didn’t mean to ruin your plans. And actually, I have to meet someone here in a moment. Do you mind if we meet up somewhere later?”

“Oh! You have a date?” he asked with that teasing, boyish grin Ahsoka had missed so much.

“Something like that,” she smiled back. “Now go find your… umm, friend before she leaves with someone else. I can meet you in the inn’s lobby to catch up in say, two hours?”

“I don’t know if I’ll be ready then,” he said winking at her shamelessly. “But for Ahsoka the Clanker Killer Tano, I’ll make an exception.”

“Shh--stop saying that name, you _di’kut_. Call me ‘Ayla’.” She could feel her lekku darken again as they made eye contact.

“Got it, Ayla,” Fives gave her a comical, exaggerated wink and walked out the door, likely to find his companion.

****

Two hours later, Ahsoka had located the seedy “inn” known as the Morolo, which had an even seedier lobby/bar full of sleemos. Most stared at Ahsoka in a way that made her skin crawl. Thankful she was still wearing her gray robe, which hid her body (and her two lightsabers), she pulled the fabric around herself tighter.

She found Fives waiting for her on an overstuffed orange sofa, laying on his side, propped up on one of his elbows, with his familiar cocky grin. When she got to the sofa, he immediately stood up, grabbed her hand, and dragged her toward his room without a word.

“What about your friend?” Ahsoka asked taken aback by his boldness, though she also felt oddly exhilarated by their contact.

“Right. Well she didn’t take too kindly to my suggestion, so she slapped me and walked away right outside the cantina. Oh well. I guess she knew she didn’t stand a chance next to you.” Ahsoka felt a flutter in her stomach. Something that rarely happened to her anymore.

As they stepped into his room, she tried to regain control of the situation—one of many skills she had picked up as Fulcrum.

“Fives, you’re supposed to be dead. Now start talking.” She put on her best Commander voice, crossing her arms like she was about to shout orders to troops during battle. She looked around his room and found a small, uncomfortable looking stool to sit on. Quietly, she unclipped her lightsabers from beneath her cloak and set them down on the table next to her. She reorganized them a few times to ensure they were straight, her hands shaking ever so slightly. 

If he noticed, Fives didn’t acknowledge her nervousness. Instead, he kicked off his shoes casually, shaking his head and chuckling to himself, still not convinced any of this was real. He poured them both drinks from a glass bottle, handed her a glass before settling himself on the bed opposite her. With his back leaning comfortably against the headboard, he spread his legs and took a sip of his drink.

“Well according to the old GAR records, I _am_ _dead_. But thanks to our favorite blonde, who saved my _sheb_ , I’m alive and very much kicking,” again with that smile that drove Ahsoka crazy.

Perched high on her stool like a bird, Ahsoka now had a chance to take a better look at the former ARC Trooper.

Fives was probably the same age as her biologically, looked to be in his fifties, but still had the energy ( _and body_ , she couldn’t help notice) of a feisty teenager. She tried not to focus too much on the way his shirt clung to his well-honed chest muscles.

“Please explain Fives,” she said a bit more softly this time, trying to re-center her mind. She took a nervous sip of her drink.

“Well I’m sure Rex told you everything that happened with the brain chips?”

“Yes! Well, you’re the main reason both of us are still alive!”

He stopped. “Wait, what?”

She shook her head. “No, I’ll tell you after you tell me.”

“Okay,” he continued.

“Well that _osik_ Fox really did shoot me on Coruscant…” he broke off to utter a chain of Huttese curse words before moving on.

“But Rex knew I hadn’t been killed. He could feel my pulse, though he didn’t want Fox to know. So, he carefully draped himself over my body to stop them from seeing my breathing. He stopped Fox’s boys from taking my body away, insisting that _he_ needed to carry me to the incinerator for a ‘private’ farewell. Fox must have felt bad killing a fellow _vod_ because he granted Rex his request.”

Fives seemed to be lost in his own thoughts for a moment but then pressed on. 

“Without telling anyone, including the General, Rex carried me to a clinic on the lower levels of Coruscant. Don’t ask me how he did it without anyone noticing. But he did. And some back-alley medical droid stitched and bacta-ed me up. Rex sold one of his DCs to pay for the treatments, and he gave me the rest of the credits. He told me to disappear. And that’s what I did. I took the next possible shuttle off that Force Forsaken planet and made my way to the Outer Rims. From there, I started running with a crew of bounty hunters. A really solid group, considering. Learned a ton about the galaxy. I got confused with Boba Fett more times than I’d like to admit…”

Ahsoka interrupted him. “Fives. This is crazy. How did Rex not tell me? How did he pull it off? How did no one notice?! Why didn’t I know? Why didn’t he tell me?” She slammed her drink down on the table.

Fives was confused. _Was she upset he was alive?_ _Or was it that her precious Rex had kept some secret from her._ The petty thought pleased him more than he cared to admit.

“Rex knew he couldn’t tell anyone. My life depended on no one knowing, not even our brothers. And well, you weren’t even there at the time so… You know, for a minute after I was healed on Coruscant, I thought about tracking you down. But I immediately decided against it. It would have made it riskier for both us. Plus, I figured the General was having you tracked.”

“I…. I don’t know what to say Fives,” Ahsoka swallowed hard. “It’s like seeing a ghost. After everything Rex and I went through, I thought he would have at least told me about you. I mean he told me about Echo…”

“What about Echo?” Fives almost slipped off the bed, his arrogant, laid-back demeaner disappearing instantly.

“Fives,” she leaned in toward him, her gorgeous blue eyes widening with excitement. “He’s alive! Or at least, he was when Order 66 happened.”

Fives didn’t think his heart could take any more surprises today. He sat there motionless for the first time since she’d seen him.

“Yeah he’s alive,” she went on. “But from what Rex told me, he was… badly mutilated by the seppies. They ran all kinds of horrible experiments on him, made him part droid. I don’t know all the details. But Rex was the one who found him. Echo later joined a special forces unit in the GAR nicknamed the ‘Bad Batch’ made up of clones with special adaptations”

“The Bad Batch?” Fives spit out sarcastically. “Sounds like a bad holoporno.”

“Fives….!” Ahsoka tried not to laugh. She remembered how Fives used humor to deflect attention away from himself when he was worried or upset. Sure enough, she noticed the tears falling silently down his cheek, which he was trying subtly to brush away.

He cleared his throat. “Well I’m going to have to go find him as soon as possible.” From the way he sat up suddenly, Ahsoka thought that Fives was about to race out the door. But he stayed seated cross-legged on the bed, lost in thought for some time.

Ahsoka didn’t say anything, waiting patiently.

“Okay, Ahsoka, I told you how I’m still alive” he tried to sound casual and light again. “And I know my best friend and brother is/was alive. Now tell me your ghost story, Ahsoka. How are you alive and how did you and our favorite blonde survive Order 66?”

Ahsoka told him the whole story from about her year on the run with the Martez sisters to the Siege of Mandalore to Order 66. Then she told him about Rex and about leaving him behind. Then Raada. And finally, her time as Fulcrum.

She didn’t know why, but she opened up to him about all of those painful memories with Rex, including the years of sad, broken messages. Memories she had never told anyone. It felt like a heavy weight was being lifted off her after all these years of holding on to them alone. 

When she finally finished, Fives told her flatly: “I always knew you loved him. I could see it in your eyes. And you know? I was the one who got the _di’kut_ to realize that he felt the same way after….”

“After I left the Jedi order. Yeah, Rex told me,” she said remembering her conversation with Rex on the moon after Order 66.

Fives raised his eyebrow. He paused for a few minutes, shifting uncomfortably on the bed preparing himself to say more. He found he couldn’t look at her directly, so he stared down at his hands, as he fidgeted with his fingers.

“Yeah, well did he tell you how _I loved you too_?”


	7. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka and Fives explore their past and their feelings in more ways than one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some heavier dialogue followed by some fun ;-)

“What?” Ahsoka was taken aback by Fives’ confession.

“Ha!” Fives’ worst doubts about his old Captain seemed confirmed.

“I knew Rex wouldn’t tell you I was alive, but I thought he’d _at least_ tell you that when you left the Jedi, we both confessed our feelings for you to one another.”

Fives swallowed hard, feeling his mouth go dry. He took another sip of his drink, before staring back at his hands.

“When you didn’t come back after the Jedi bombing trial, Rex was devastated, of course. Kix caught him practically drowning in the showers that night, sitting under the running water for hours. I mean anyone who knew the Captain well, knew he had it bad for you, even if he wasn’t ready to admit it himself. So, he got all this empathy from our _vode_. Jesse was going out of his way to pick up the tasks the Captain was neglecting. Tup was keeping an eye on him every time he went into the ‘fresher. Kix was forcing him to eat. You get the idea….”

He trailed off for a moment.

“But no one seemed to notice that _I_ was drowning in the same pain. Had Echo been there, he would have known…. Out of respect for Rex, though, I didn’t think it was right to make any claims on you for myself. So, I hid my feelings and my own hurt.”

A heavy silence settled between them. Ahsoka opened her mouth to say something, but felt overwhelmed. _It had been one thing to learn that Rex had shared her feelings, but Fives? Was he the mysterious person Rex had been referring to?  
_

“The truth is, though, I wasn’t okay, Ahsoka. I mean after Hevy, Cutup, 99, Echo and then Hardcase, I was slowly losing everyone who mattered to me in this world. And then you—my bright, beautiful, strong, brave _jetii_ —were gone. By that point, I had no karking loyalty left to the GAR or the Republic. And I felt a deep emptiness that was starting to consume me.” His voice sounded both angry and defeated at the same time.

He lifted his head briefly to see tears in Ahsoka’s eyes.

“Oh Fives,” she whispered softly.

 _It was all so long ago. So why did it still hurt so much to talk about it?_ Fives stared back at his hands again.

“That’s when I decided I’d had enough. I took our dear old Captain to ‘79s, got him drunk and made him finally admit out loud that he loved you. But then he devolved into this sad, self-pitying mess, talking to me about all his regrets and doubts; about how he was a worthless clone who didn’t deserve to love a _jetii_. So, I slapped him.”

“You slapped him?!” Ahsoka wasn't expecting that.

‘ _Yeah I slapped him_ ,” he repeated, with a tone that seemed to dare her to tell him off. “And I told him ‘You know what, Rex? I love her too. I have loved our Commander for a long time, and I was just as much of a coward as you. But she wouldn’t want us to fall apart now, vod. She would want us to be strong. Be good. And brave. Like her.’”

“Fives, I …”

Fives was still refusing to meet her gaze. “Please Ahsoka don’t give me a pitying speech about loving me as a brother. It was so long ago. We’re good. I’m just relieved you’re alive.” He tried to smile weakly.

“No Fives. I wanted to say….”

_Why wouldn’t he look at her?!_

She raised her voice and leaned toward him again hoping he'd raise his head. “Fives, I loved you too.”

Fives finally did look up, though with clear disbelief showing on his face. “Ahsoka, you don’t have to…”

“Fives, you really are a _di’kut_ ” she laughed affectionately. 

“Believe me, I loved you like I loved Rex. I almost told Rex that after Order 66. But as I thought you were dead, I didn't say anything in that moment after losing everyone."

When Fives didn't respond, she continued.

"But like with Rex, my feelings for you started out innocently enough. Soon after you and Echo joined the 501st, I thought you were incredibly exciting, flirty, and even a bit dangerous. And even knowing you were a shameless flirt, Fives, I couldn’t help but hope--in all my own naive innocence--that your teasing and attentions meant something more. Remember, that night you taught me how to remove Clone armor? I thought Jesse would pass out when he saw me de-kitting you and Echo in turns.”

The corners of Fives mouth went up at the memory, though he went back to avoiding her gaze. 

“Or all those times we slept in the same bunk between battles. But just when I thought there was something more between us, you’d immediately put up your shields. I had no way of reading how you were feeling, even through the Force. After a while, I figured it was all in my head, and you saw me as nothing more than a little sister.”

Ahsoka smiled sadly as she reflected back on these confusing memories. Fives was not speaking or looking at her, which made her feel all the more awkward about her confession.

“For me, the real turning point was the Citadel, after Echo’s death—well supposed death,” she added kindly. “I saw you at your most open. Most exposed. A side of you I’d only seen glimpses of before. In that moment, I felt that my feelings for you had deepened, become even more real. And I wanted you to return them, but again, I got nothing back. Plus, I was still grappling with all the attachment issues of the Jedi--made all the worse by that mission.”

Fives was no longer smiling. In fact, he was frowning, his brow furrowed as if what she was saying was causing him physical harm.

“Please, Fives. Talk to me. What’s wrong?” she asked imploringly.

“This doesn’t make any sense.” He shook his head still staring down.

“What doesn’t make sense, Fives?”

“You… _you loved Rex._ I knew that. And me and you, we were friends…” Fives tapered off.

“You were o _ne of my best friends_ , Fives” she said affectionately. “And I deeply cherished that friendship, just as I did Rex’s. If Rex was my anchor, grounding me and keeping me sane and safe through the War, you were the air that lifted me up. You made me feel alive and brave.”

“Yeah Rex was such a downer…” the cocky grin returning to his face despite himself.

“Fives, that’s not what I mean,” she chuckled softly. “Even as friends, I felt you were the only ones who understood me, who could help manage my two very different sides, which were slowly pulling me apart through the War. One side was so deeply rooted in the Light of the Force. The good Jedi. Honor bound, selfless. That side helped me connect to all beings in the Force, to love them fully. But sometimes that burden was too big. Too overwhelming to carry alone. Sometimes I got swept away with the responsibility of it—losing a bit of myself. And Rex was there to hold on to me. He helped make _me_ feel safe. He took care of _me_ so that I could carry that weight for others.”

Saying the words aloud made her miss Rex so immensely. She was only now realizing what his absence had cost her these past years.

“But you, Fives....” she waited for him to look up, but he didn’t, so she pressed on.

“You connected to my other side—the hunter. The protector. Very much Anakin’s padawan. Daring and bold and brave. Able to stare down danger in order to protect those I cared for most. And there you were. The perfect embodiment of all of that. Because as much as you were willing to take risks, you put your own life on the line to protect the rest of us. I wanted to be like you in those ways, and you inspired me to be stronger, to take greater risks, and to pick myself up again when I failed.”

“Ahsoka,” he said softly. “I valued our friendship too. I truly did. But I also _know_ what I saw. I saw how you looked at Rex…”

“Well when did _you_ see me as something more than your friend? Your little sister?” She knew she sounded a bit childish, but she needed to know.

Fives finally looked into those piercing, breathtaking blue eyes. “Honestly, after Umbara.”

Ahsoka couldn’t help but laugh. “For you too then? That was Rex’s answer to that question.”

“Well we are genetically identical, Ahsoka.” He let out the quip despite himself. She laughed louder this time. He always liked making her laugh.

Fives face dropped and he sounded serious again. “It was after Umbara when you came to comfort the boys. And you appeared like this shining ball of Light. It felt like you took all the darkness out of the room for us that day. I don’t know much about the Jedi lore, but it sounded a lot like what General Kenobi described on Mortis with the Daughter. You just lifted our pain away...” his eyes were getting tearful as he reminisced.

“And I’ll never forget this part. There was Rex, skulking in the corner, keeping his distance from us, letting his guilt eat away at him. And I genuinely felt for my Captain. I really did, Ahsoka. But I also couldn’t be the one to comfort him. Not after everything that’d happened on Umbara. But I watched as you carried that same, beautiful light over to him. I could feel the weight come off Rex’s shoulders when you touched him. And I thought, holy _kriff_ there is no one else in this galaxy like her. I knew in that moment that I loved you.”

Ahsoka sat silently for a while, feeling the warmth radiating across her body. She knew Fives was being sincere for once. All the old memories and feelings she had had for him so long ago washed over her like a flood.

She got off the stool to sit next to him on the bed. Wordlessly, she grabbed his hand firmly in her own. If he didn't believe her words, perhaps through her touch, she could make him feel her love.

Uncertainly, Fives lifted her wrist to his mouth and kissed it ever so gently.

****

“Fives….” Ahsoka parted her lips, closing her eyes for a moment at his touch.

Fives felt her pulse quickening on her wrist, and could hear her breathing grow deeper, as if trying to steady herself.

Spurred on by her response, he leaned in slowly to kiss her lips. Soft, exploratory, feather light, just like he’d done with her wrist. But when she leaned into the kiss, he felt himself completely lose control.

He deepened the kiss immediately, pouring all his desires into it. Within moments, he was pushing his tongue past those full, dark lips he’d dreamed about night after night since Umbara. When she didn’t protest, he started exploring the rest of her with his hands.

He could feel her body heating up, so he lifted her cloak over her montrals—careful not to snag them in the heavy fabric. _He obviously had experience with headtails_. Now free from her outer covering, Fives examined her body fully with his eyes, appreciatively mapping out his next move with the practiced eyes of a kyber prospector. 

Even fully clothed in her gray battle tunic, arm covers, armor, and boots, there was simply no denying it. _His former Commander was sexy._ Intoxicatingly and powerfully sexy. Curvier and more muscular than when he’d last seen her. Her lekku much longer, draping over her fuller breasts. Her face slimmer and less round. But she was all the more attractive for it.

 _Time had been much less kind to him_ , Fives thought sadly, as he rapidly deteriorated into a middle-aged man—a shadow of his former self.

But he would never have known that by the way the Togruta was staring back at him, seductively biting her lips as she drank him in. With a strength that did not seem to match her size, Ahsoka reached up for him and tore his shirt off his chest. She rubbed her hands appreciatively across his muscles before ripping his pants off with the same ferocity.

Turned on by her sheer power and lustful stares, he forced her back against the wall, pulling and biting at her neck. He ripped off her belt and shoved her tunic up roughly so that it gathered at her waist.

She bared her fangs, scratching and biting him with equal wildness.

Pulling off her leggings forcefully, he then spread her legs apart, before dropping down to his knees. He lifted one of her legs to rest on his shoulder, as he eagerly put his mouth on her.

Ahsoka let out a tantalizing moaning, purring sound.

It had been a few years since Ahsoka had been intimate with anyone. Of course, she had had a few lovers over the years, since Rex, but never anyone as skilled as Fives. And no one for whom she felt any real attachment. _No attachments. The Jedi would have been proud,_ she thought sadly _._

Within moments, she felt herself nearing her climax. Her arms reached up trying to grasp something solid on the walls behind her as her body shook with pleasure. But just as she was on the precipice, Fives pulled away. Standing up, he left her body begging for more. He then turned them both around and threw her down _hard_ on the bed.

“I’m going to make love to you, Ahsoka Tano.” He pronounced, with all his intoxicating arrogance. She nodded her assent as she quickly tore off her tunic, boots, and remaining armor.

And with that, he wasted no time in entering her.

Again and again, he brought her close to the edge only to teasingly stop.

“Fives, I swear,” she screamed when he did this for a fourth time, biting hard on his shoulder and tasting his blood hit her lips.

He roared out in pain, but also felt an immense rush of excitement. _She could kill him with her bare hands_ , _if she wanted to._ The thought was deeply arousing to him.

Unable to hold back anymore, he succumbed to her. They both felt the thrill of their release and collapsed on each other, panting, trying to catch their breaths. Fives tenderly touched his wounded shoulder, and Ahsoka smiled devilishly at his new battle scar.

Seeing her teeth marks on his skin, he felt himself getting excited all over again, and within moments they were hungrily taking each other for a second time.

They made love all night. Unbridled, wild, and fiery—making up for years of frustration, unrequited feelings, doubts, and desires. 

When they finally stopped near morning, arms wrapped lovingly around each other, Fives turned to her and quietly whispered, “I love you, cyare. You know I’ve never been with anyone I’ve loved before.” Ahsoka could feel through the Force that he was being honest. And with that last confession, he fell asleep.

 _This was the enigma that was Fives_ , Ahsoka thought tenderly, as she brushed her hands affectionately through his thick hair. He unconsciously moved his body closer to hers in his sleep.

It was the reason she had loved him so long ago, when she was a padawan. Underneath all the bravado, sarcasm, and jokes, there was a sensitive, vulnerable, and loving person, who was deeply selfless. So full of Light. And she was one of the only people left in this Galaxy who had been allowed to see this side of him.


	8. The Cabin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Given the traumas and losses of their past and the many uncertainties of their present, Ahsoka and Fives struggle with what a future between them would look like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are two very complex characters, with conflicting motivations, traumas, personalities, and responsibilities. I wanted to explore how they'd make room for one another in their lives in this and the next few chapters. Hopefully it is still interesting :)

The two awoke early the next afternoon in the dingy inn room to the pangs of hunger. Armed with credits from his latest bounty, Fives took Ahsoka to a small diner down the street he swore had the best meats in town.

“Hamla!” Fives shouted as he walked in. An older but very attractive red skinned Zeltron wearing a dirty apron over her form-fitting dress, beamed back at him. “Flex, my dear” she leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “It’s been too long! What can I get you, sweetheart?”

Ahsoka felt a bolt of jealousy hit her. _Had Fives slept with every woman on this karking planet?_ She could feel her anger rising.

Fives laughed a bit too loudly at Hamla’s show of affection, clearly avoiding Ahsoka’s violent stares. “Yeah we’ll take some of your rarest steaks for my friend Ayla here, and I’ll have the usual.”

“Right away, Flexy.”

“Flexy?” Ahsoka snorted derisively. She was in no mood to watch him flirt with this woman.

“Yeah,” he grinned sheepishly. “Hamla and I go way back.”

Seeing Ahsoka baring her teeth, he clarified. “Nothing like that. Oh, well maybe once….” _He was not helping himself._

Fives added hastily, “But that was a long time ago. I mainly come in here to get good food and news about this corner of the galaxy. Hamla sometimes lets me stay at her brother’s place. A quiet little cabin about twenty klicks west in the woods…” He stopped mid-sentence. His eyes went out of focus for a moment. Then he dashed away from the table before Ahsoka could say anything. Panting back a few minutes later, he held up a key to her with a look of triumph on his face. 

“Let’s get out of here! Hamla’s wrapping our food to go and giving us some extra provisions. She gave me her brother’s key. She said we can have the cabin for as long as we need.”

Ahsoka’s feelings toward the Zeltron were warming considerably. Before she had a minute to process Fives’ words though, he was grabbing her hands and the bags of food, and racing out the door of the diner. His boyish enthusiasm was infectious, and Ahsoka found herself running toward his speeder bike with a light-heartedness she hadn’t felt in years. Not really, if she were being honest, since before the Temple bombing. _He was like a breath of fresh air. And it was liberating._

_****_

By the time they’d gotten to the cabin, the shadows of early evening were descending on the woods around them. But even in the dimming light, Ahsoka could appreciate the appeal of the cabin. It was modest, comprised of a single large room, and surrounded on all sides by tall trees. The walls were made of an old but solid wood, and there was a deep serenity to the place. The Force was in balance here. Ahsoka could feel it.

Almost the moment she crossed the threshold of the cabin's door, Fives was lifting her up and throwing her down playfully on one of the sofas. Fives moved across her body like a master musician, putting just the right amount of pressure on just the right areas--somehow knowing where it would feel most pleasurable for her. More than once, Ahsoka wondered if (like with Rex before him), Fives was reading her thoughts and feelings through the Force.

For his part, though, Fives felt utterly overwhelmed.

He would never admit it to her, but he was more than a little intimidated by Ahsoka. By the situation he had found himself in with her. He had meant what he’d said the night before. He’d never been with anyone for whom he felt anything more than a physical attraction.

_Sure, he’d slept with friends, like Hamla, who were nice companions for a few days—staving off the loneliness of constant space travel and helping take the edge off the many dangerous missions he led as a bounty hunter. But those women didn’t know much more about him. He never let them. For Force sake, none of them even knew his real name._

But now he was with a woman who knew nearly everything about him. A woman who radiated her light over him. A woman whom he had loved (and lost) before it all went so dark in the Galaxy.

Knowing that she had loved him back was intense, even a little painful, as he considered how their lives could have been different had they just been open about that love earlier. Long ago, he had comforted himself with the thought that she was too much of a Jedi for it to have ever been real between them.

And of course, there was the gnawing, agonizing truth that she also loved Rex. His vod. That Rex had been with her first and that their separation had cost Ahsoka some of her light, made Fives resent Rex even more.

For now, he pushed these darker thoughts and insecurities to the back of his mind, as he focused on pleasing her. He wanted her to feel his devotion through her body. And for the next five days, they continued to explore each other. Eating. Making Love. Laughing.

Force, they laughed a lot. More than Ahsoka could honestly remember.

****

On their sixth day in the cabin, Fives decided, rather reluctantly, to bring them back to reality.

“Cyare, I think we need to talk,” assuming his more serious tone. Ahsoka stopped where she was, uncertain about what he was going to say. She sat down cross legged across from him on one of the oversized chairs trying to look calmer than she felt.

“Okay,” she said, her stomach fluttering with anxiety.

“Hamla told me we can stay as long as we like, but eventually we _are_ going to have to leave. And I don’t know when that is for you, but I can’t afford to skip many more bounties. And you’re… well, you’re leading a rebellion, so…” he said offhandedly.

“I’m not leading it, Fives, I’m just helping it along,” she clarified, trying to sound patient and calm--though she felt neither at the moment.

“Always the modest one, Fulcrum!” he said, giving her a fake salute and a bemused smirk.

But then he became serious again, and Ahsoka felt herself tense up.

“As much as I want to stay here with you, _cyar’ika_ , pretending this is our life, we know that isn’t possible. So, I say we stay as long as we can both afford to, and then we part. I go on with my life and you with yours. And if we’re meant to see each other again, we will…”

He made it sound so casual and easy.

Ahsoka felt a familiar heaviness descending on her chest, making it harder to breath. It was as if she was 18 all over again, in the tent with Rex on that unknown planet, making the seemingly impossible decision to leave their fate to the Force.

In some ways, Fives’ indifference to their separation stung her more deeply.

“No,” she said calmly but firmly, crossing her arms, trying to regain control of the situation. The simple fact was she wasn’t 18 anymore. She was a 30 plus year-old woman; one of the leading spies in the galaxy. She wasn’t going to make the same mistake again.

“What?” Fives said, taken aback by her response.

“No, I’m not just going to leave you and leave our next meeting to the Force or luck. Not like I did with….” She paused.

“with Rex?” he offered, not able to keep the edge out of his voice when he said his Captain’s name.

“Yes,” she said with equal bite.

But then she softened her tone. “Fives, I made a big mistake with Rex. I was scared back then. I had almost been killed again by our brothers, right after Order 66. I was traumatized. We both were. It was all so dangerous and confusing….” 

She looked searchingly into Fives’ eyes, hoping he understood what she was saying.

“But had I just held on to hope, I would have seen that things would one day get better. Even a year later, I realized that the situation was not as dire as it had seemed back when I was with Rex. By then, though, something had broken between me and Rex. Some assurance or trust. I don’t really know. _I kriffed up,_ Fives. One of the worst decisions I’ve ever made was leaving him. And I’ve had to live with that pain for almost thirteen years now. I cannot let that same fear get in the way of love again.”

“So, what do you want to do?” Fives asked, failing to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. “Do you want me to join the Rebel Alliance and fly around the Galaxy as your tag-along boyfriend?”

“You could if you wanted to…” she said coolly, not backing down from this jab.

“No thanks, Ahsoka. I’m no hero. I have no desire to fight the Empire in _that way_. I’m done being a soldier. I will not be dragged into another war, even by the woman I love—no offense.”

Ahsoka clearly did take offense.

“Even after everything the Empire has done?! You’ve seen what they’re doing to this Galaxy. _Force_ _Fives_ , why wouldn’t you want to fight?”

Fives ignored this point. He knew what he was going to say next would wound her even more deeply.

“More importantly,” he averted his eyes. “I need to feel like I still have some piece of me, some aspect of my life that is-is-untouched by _you_.”

“So, you _are_ intimidated by me! You don’t want to be overshadowed, is that it?” she spat out.

“No, Ahsoka!” he shouted back with such ferocity that she leaned back on the chair. He was clenching his fists now and staring back in her eyes, a desperate, but dangerous look flashing across them.

“I’ve lost you twice now, Ahsoka! First when you left the Jedi Council. When you walked away _from us_ , remember? _From me. From Rex!_ And then again, when I thought you’d been killed by my own brothers. Do you know what that feels like?”

She looked at him incredulously. Had he not heard a word she’d said about what _she had_ been through? _How self-centered could he be?_

“Believe me, Fives, I do. I lost everyone too, remember? My master. Obi-Wan, Yoda, Plo Kloon, Padme, all of my friends and brothers. And you! And I’ve lost Rex….” Her anger was giving way to tears.

Seeing her pain like that made Fives retreat a bit from his own anger in shame.

He responded much more gently. “The fact that you put me and Rex on the same level as you is one of the many reasons we both loved you. But you know, we—Rex and I—never had any illusions that we were your equals.”

Ahsoka tried to interrupt but he put his hand up, imploring her to listen.

“Hear me out. You were like this super being. And not just because you were a Jedi. I never thought the Jedi were _that_ amazing, to be honest. But you were beyond us because of that light I saw so clearly in you after Umbara. And Rex and I were just so happy to share in that light, even if it was just as friends.”

Rather than make her feel better or flattered, his words infuriated her further. “So, what?! You put me on some false pedestal that the two of you made up? An object you could worship, but not the flawed woman that I actually am, who wants to share my life with you. Is that it?”

“What?” Fives was on the defensive now. “No! That’s not it at all.” _Why didn’t she understand what he was saying?_

“Ahsoka you may not see yourself the way everyone around you does, but you are this amazing, glowing, beautiful, powerful embodiment of the Light. And after everything you’ve been through, none of that light has dimmed. If anything, _it’s actually grown_. I can see that. You love so unconditionally. You love in the way the Jedi were _meant_ to love. You love all beings. You love with the Light but you also understand and balance out the Dark. And you love protecting people, even from themselves….”

He didn’t blink as he gazed intently into her eyes. “… But that kind of love can be overwhelming and oddly lonely, cyare, for those who _love you.”_

_****_

_Force._ She felt her breath catch in her throat at his words.

When she didn’t say anything, he pressed on.

“I think that’s what the Jedi meant when they said attachments were dangerous. Not only because it could lead the Jedi down the path to loss and the dark side. But also, because they knew the Jedi would inevitably hurt those who love them. Look at all those who loved the _jetii_ : Satine, Padme, Bly…” _Rex_ , he thought, though he didn’t say his name aloud. Ahsoka seemed to sense it. She hung her head down sadly.

“Did it end well for any of them?” Fives asked.

Ahsoka took a deep breath. _What he was saying was true. Painful. But true._

Fives continued. “And, Ahsoka, you were always the best of the Jedi. That’s why even knowing all that, knowing that it would likely not end well for us, Rex and I couldn’t help but still love you. We loved you even when we knew it would likely hurt us … Even when we knew that you would always put the needs of this whole galaxy before us. Before even yourself. And we knew that we would probably lose you.”

She knew he was telling her the truth, but she still wasn’t sure where that left them. “Fives, do you want me to stop working for the Rebel Alliance? Do you want me to follow _you_ around the galaxy?”

“No, cyare,” his voice sounded small now. “I don’t ever want you to be anything other than the person I love. What I’m asking is that you let me continue being _me_ , keeping parts of myself that I can hold on to, so that when I inevitably lose you again, I won’t fall completely apart. I can still go on living.”

Fives let tears fall from his eyes without wiping them away. 

She felt a wave of deep affection rush over her. She craved his touch more than ever at this moment, though some lingering doubts kept her rooted to the spot. Unable to move toward him.

“Fives, what does that mean? Keeping parts of yourself?” she whispered it so softly, afraid of what he would say. 

“It means I need to go on being a bounty hunter. I need to hold on to my ties to this galaxy. My patterns. My comforts. And you need to go off and do your work for the Rebellion. And when our paths cross, we can enjoy that time fully and without apology or restraint, like we are now.”

Ahsoka felt her stomach clenching again. _Ah, so now they were getting closer to the truth._

She could feel that dark jealousy rising once again. Images of the blonde and Hamla flashed dangerously through her mind. “And does that mean you continue to be with other women?” she asked pointedly.

“Well that’s a part of my life, cyare. Not all of it. Not even an important part. But that’s one of the ways I cope with everything. It doesn’t mean I love you any less. Or that I’d rather be with them than you. But since I’m not about to go fight in your Rebellion and you’re not going to settle down and become my wife on some farm like old Cut and Suu as much as Rex fantasized about doing that with you….”

“Those aren’t the only two options, Fives! Is it really that hard for you to stay true to me while we’re apart?” Ahsoka spat out bitterly.

“Cyare, if we were normal people living in normal times, _I’d marry you right here and now_ ,” he declared, pointing to the ground of the cabin, with no hint of humor or irony in his voice.

“I would love you every day. Probably better than any being has ever loved another. I would never touch another woman. I would raise our beautiful mixed species babies together on some isolated planet in the Outer Rim… like-like Lothal! Ever been to _that_ agricultural backwater?”

Ahsoka couldn’t help but smile at the thought. Even knowing he and the other clones were sterile, she still warmed to the idea of children with Fives.

He smiled back appreciatively at her response.

“But _these are not normal times_. And _we are not normal people._ I’ll never ask you to stop being who you are, cyare. You are a leader for the Rebellion. And you need to use your powers and skills to bring light into this dark galaxy of ours. I’m not selfish enough to ask you to stop on my behalf…

“…. But you have to know that means leaving me behind--alone. I need the life I’ve built over the years to get through that. Yes, sometimes in the arms of other women. But none of them will have my heart. That belongs only to you….”

He took a deep breath, bracing himself for the most painful part.

“And Ahsoka, I know Rex is still out there—the old _di’kut_ —as much as I know you still love him. And I accept that your heart belongs to him and me.” _Though probably more to him,_ he bit back bitterly _._

“So, one day, when you two _are_ reunited, you’ll decide what that means for you. For us. And I promise you this, cyare, whatever you choose… Whoever you choose, I will love you and respect your decision, no matter what. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Finally, she did.

This was Fives being his most vulnerable. More vulnerable perhaps than he’d ever been with anyone. Even Echo. He needed to know that if she left him for Rex or died in the Rebellion, he could still go on without her. 

Ahsoka seemed to fly toward him, pulling him into her arms. She tried through the Force to tell him how much it meant to her that he had been so open with her.

She put one of her hands lovingly on his cheek. He turned his head slightly to kiss it, brushing her fingertips across his mouth. Then he drew her in, but instead of kissing her lips, he put his forehead on hers. A sign of deep affection in Mandalorian culture. They both closed their eyes and listened to each other’s breathing for a long while.

“I understand, my love.” Ahsoka finally said. “I understand.”

****

Four days later, they packed up their belongings, cleaned the cabin as best they could, and then made their way back to Ahsoka’s ship on Fives’ speeder bike. The moment she left the planet’s atmosphere, she checked the channel they had agreed to communicate through. There was a message from Fives.

_[From Ghost to GoddessOnPedestal:] Miss you already. May the Force be With Us._


	9. Spy Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka hasn't seen Fives in six months, when she travels to Hutt controlled space to track down an informant for the Rebel Alliance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to show off Ahsoka's skills as Fulcrum (something we never get to see on screen/canon).

For the next few months, Ahsoka threw herself fully into her work as Fulcrum. She still had to recruit people to the Rebel cause, collecting allies, resources, and intel as she made her way across the galaxy.

She and Fives continued their occasional, flirtatious banter through the old GAR channels. Unlike with Rex, Ahsoka never asked him where he was.

They had agreed that they’d leave their next reunion to the will of the Force, though she could tell Fives didn’t put much stock into such things.

****

After a major tip off from a trusted smuggler, Ahsoka headed deep into Hutt-controlled space on the trade planet of Nar Chunna to meet another high-priority informant. This person was promising to give the Rebellion vital information on the Empire’s secret hyperspace routes to the Outer Rims.

As always, Ahsoka was meeting the informant at one of the local cantinas, hoping the sea of bounty hunters, smugglers, pirates, and other criminal types eager to keep their business away from Imperial eyes would keep them both safe.

Walking into the run-down old establishment, Ahsoka immediately knew who the informant was, even without the aid of the Force.

The poor Rodian woman was sitting at a table by herself, shaking from head to foot, looking around her nervously. This was probably the woman’s first time in a cantina like this, and it showed. Ahsoka felt deeply sorry for her.

Not wanting to scare her off further, Ahsoka walked over slowly, smiling as calmly as she could. The Rodian noticed her and her emerald skin turn a paler, sickly shade of green. Though Ahsoka still had her gray cloak wrapped around her, she pulled the hood down a bit so the woman could see her eyes. Eye contact was essential in trust-building; something Ahsoka had learned a long time ago as a padawan.

“The heat of this planet is getting to me,” Ahsoka said kindly to the woman. This was the code phrase the woman had been told to expect from their shared contact. The Rodian nervously gave the response she was supposed to repeat in turn: “Cooler months are ahead, my friend.”

With that, Ahsoka took a seat across from the Rodian. The woman looked, if possible, even more nervous. She clutched at a small leather bag. Ahsoka could feel her trembling. Sending calm toward her through the Force, Ahsoka smiled again. It seemed to steady the woman a bit.

“Tell me, friend, what should I call you?” Ahsoka asked as casually as she could.

“You can call me Lee-Leena,” she stuttered.

“Okay Leena, call me Ashla. Tell me about where you’re from, Leena.”

Ahsoka knew from years of experience that it was never smart to jump into an information exchange right away. Despite what many people thought, good intelligence gathering—the kind Ahsoka excelled at—required patience. Trust-building. Kindness. Understanding. All skills she had developed and mastered since her time as Anakin’s snippy young padawan.

The woman looked a bit confused but started to tell her about her home world of Rodia. Her family. Her younger siblings. Ahsoka nodded her head encouragingly, asking questions at just the right moment. Careful not to ask about her work as a technician aboard the Imperial cargo ships, lest that scare her away.

Plus, the more she learned about her informants, the more Ahsoka could understand and assess their motivations for wanting to fight the Empire. And the more they told her about what was happening in the galaxy, the more she understood where popular opinion was heading. No information—as she repeatedly reminded some of the younger spies—was wasted information. It all had value.

After about an hour of getting to know Leena, Ahsoka thought the woman had calmed enough for her to suggest getting them drinks. Drinks would help as they transitioned into more dangerous territory.

Leena nodded her approval. Ahsoka gave her another reassuring push through the Force to make sure she didn’t run away the moment Ahsoka left the table.

As she arrived at the bar, Ahsoka heard a loud commotion over her shoulder at the cantina’s entrance. A group of boisterous bounty hunters barged their way in, whooping and shouting in celebration. And above all the din, she heard _him_. Her sensitive montrals could have picked out his voice if he’d whispered.

But Fives was not one to whisper, especially when he was in a celebratory mood. “Drinks on me, boys!” he shouted. This won him a round of cheers from his companions.

She didn’t turn around. If he was drunk, he might do something stupid and give her away. Luckily, Fives seemed completely oblivious to her presence as he stumbled up to the bar.

Throwing down a pile of credits in dramatic fashion, he shouted, “some of your finest Corellian whiskey for my boys, Gus! We just brought in a seriously big bounty!” A few of the others around the bar raised their glasses in congratulations. It was clear most of the people here knew Fives and his gang.

Ahsoka wanted to get his attention without making it obvious. Carefully, she used the Force to gently push the man standing immediately next to her into Fives. But she must have pushed harder than she had wanted because the poor man practically collapsed onto Fives.

Fives turned around angrily, clearly ready to clock the man, when he spotted Ahsoka to the man’s left. His eyes widened and he opened his mouth to say something, but she shook her head, almost imperceptibly, never once looking directly at him.

From the corner of her eye, she saw him close his mouth stupidly. _He had gotten the hint._

Fives then turned to the man who had bumped into him, and patted him on the shoulder in a friendly manner. “Ah we’re all friends here. Come, let me buy you some whiskey!” And with that, the frightened man gave a weak smile. All the tension in the room melted away. _Good work, Fives,_ Ahsoka thought appreciatively.

Ahsoka gathered her drinks and went back to Leena, who seemed completely oblivious to the exchange that had taken place at the bar. Fives had gone back to sit with his friends, but she could sense his eyes tracking her from across the room.

After Leena and her had both finished their drinks, Ahsoka knew it was time to get the information.

“Leena, I know this is not easy. But you want to share something with me.” A look of understanding passed between the two women.

Leena took a deep breath. “Look in the bag,” she said as she slipped her small leather bag under the table to Ahsoka. 

Ahsoka didn’t open the bag. She simply stared at the woman, using the Force to sense if she was being lied to or tricked somehow. She didn’t feel anything amiss. But to be certain she’d double check the bag in the refresher in a moment.

The former Jedi put her hand gently on Leena’s, who didn’t flinch or move it away. “Thank you,” Ahsoka said. “I know what this means for you, and I am so grateful for your bravery. This galaxy needs more people like you. Know that you are not alone.” Leena felt brave for the first time all night. She sat up taller, feeling pride at these simple but powerful words.

“Now listen, I’m going to the ‘fresher to check this out. I think it’s best if you leave while I’m there. Go back to the spaceport and ask for someone named Lucky in Bay 12. He’ll take you anywhere you want to go. Got it?” Leena nodded.

Ahsoka walked calmly into the refresher. Inside one of the stalls, she opened the leather purse and found a data stick. She checked it and the bag for a tracking device. Nothing. _Good_. She’d have to upload the information as soon as she could on her ship and have Bail's people analyze it for her.

But first, she had to find Fives.

When she walked back outside, the leather purse discarded in the stall and the data stick hidden deep within her robes, she saw that Leena was gone.

 _May the Force be With You,_ Ahsoka thought gently.

****

Looking back to where Fives was, she found him laughing and singing with his crew. She couldn’t help but smile at his unbounded joy and energy. But just as she was deciding what to do next, a beautiful green Twi’lek woman hopped on to his lap.

“Oh Flex, baby, where have you been? It’s been months!” she laughed in a husky, sensual way that immediately set Ahsoka off.

The woman exuded a kind of natural sensuality that Ahsoka knew she could never rival. And from the lustful stares of most of the beings in the cantina, it seemed nearly everyone else found her equally attractive. Unfortunately for Ahsoka, this sexy woman seemed only to have eyes for Fives. _Her Fives._

Every insecurity that had plagued her as a young padawan seemed to race to the surface. She found herself gripping the table tightly, so as not to lose control of her emotions.

For his part, Fives seemed to sense Ahsoka’s anger.

He turned away from the Twi’lek as he casually took a sip of his drink. “Hey Seelna. It’s nice seeing you too,” though his voice was deliberately flat, unenthusiastic.

Ahsoka felt a petty satisfaction seeing the smile drop from the Twi’lek’s gorgeous face at his response. “What’s wrong babe?” the woman inquired, rubbing her hand seductively along his chin.

 _Get off him!_ Ahsoka wanted to push her off using the Force, but held herself back.

“Look I’m getting tired boys,” Fives said casually pulling Seelna’s hands off of him. Looking at his companions instead of her, he said dryly, “I think I’m going to call it a night.” They all protested. Begging him to stay for another round. He smiled at their protests but stood up, unceremoniously dropping Seelna off his lap, and heading toward the door.

Inexplicably, Seelna seemed to take his rude, sudden departure as an invitation to follow him.

Ahsoka couldn’t stop a low growl escaping her lips. It almost gave her away, as a few of those sitting around her looked at her in surprise.

 _What was wrong with her?!_ She had to regain control of herself. What she had hidden in her cloak right now could shift the tide of the entire Rebellion, and she was letting her childish jealousy get in the way of her mission.

 _Okay, Ahsoka_ , she thought to herself, _breathe_. _Keep calm_. She counted to a hundred, hoping that would give Fives enough time to figure out a plan and possibly deal with this… Seelna.

She got up slowly, making sure not to seem rushed or flustered, even though her heart was still pounding with rage. Out in the warm air, she looked around but didn’t see Fives or Seelna anywhere. Unsure of what to do, she started to walk down the main street, hoping she would sense him soon.

About ten minutes later, she heard someone step out of the shadows behind her. Through the Force, she could feel that it was Fives. She couldn’t help but smile to herself. “Where should I go?” she said still staring straight ahead.

“Go to the Potar Den and ask for Room 211. I’ll be in room 212 and can open the locked door between them. Make sure it’s Room 211.”

She nodded her head and then felt as he slipped down one of the side streets _._

 _Ever the ARC trooper, Fives. Stars, he would make such a good spy,_ Ahsoka thought ruefully.

****

She quickly found the inn. It was cleaner and quieter than the one on Barnaba. A friendly, pretty young woman was at the front desk. _I bet Fives has slept with her too_ , she thought clenching her fists.

The bitter thought made her feel less guilty about using the old Jedi mind trick to get the room she desired.

When she walked into Room 211, Fives was already there laying completely naked on the bed wearing nothing but his cocky grin. She laughed out loud at his arrogance. She was still angry about the Twi’lek, even as she felt the heat rising in her body as she looked at him.

“Fives. We haven’t seen each other for months! What makes you think I want to jump into bed with you? Especially when it seems you’ve been keeping yourself busy with half the women of this system!”

Fives raised his eyebrow teasingly. “Commander Tano, are you jealous?”

“No,” she said coolly, which was an obvious lie.

“I just have some self-respect. I’m not going to jump on you like some silly youngling. Tell me, how often do you sleep with the front desk girl?” This time Ahsoka’s tone was not at all flirtatious. She intended to be mean.

It didn’t work. His impish grin only widened.

“Kastuna?” he laughed.

His response infuriated Ahsoka even more.

“Trust me, cyare, if Kastuna is going to sleep with anyone, it would be you. She’s not into men.”

That softened Ahsoka, slightly, as she thought fondly of Kaeden. “Well what about the Twi’lek?” her eyes flashed dangerously at him. _There was the hunter he knew._

He rubbed the back of his head the way Rex used to do. She found the move so familiarly endearing it took the edge off her anger a bit more.

“I’m sorry you had to see that” he said, and he genuinely sounded ashamed.

_Good._

“But really, she has never meant anything to me. We’ve had some fun in the past, and even then, that was long before you and I...” he stopped. Not sure what he and Ahsoka were precisely. He let the uncertainty linger in the air awkwardly. He looked over at Ahsoka.

Her anger had made way to obvious hurt.

Ahsoka had agreed to Fives’ “comforts” because she knew that it was Fives’ way of protecting himself. But it still was deeply upsetting to see him with another woman, especially such a beautiful one. 

Sensing her thoughts, Fives came over to her and wrapped his arms around her, trying to let her feel through his body how much he loved her. “You know you’re the only woman I love, cyar’ika.”

And she did feel the sincerity of his words through the Force.

For now, she was willing to set aside her anger, jealousy, and hurt--after all this is what she had agreed to last time.

Looking up at his face, she let him kiss her gently.

The contact snapped her final defenses.

She pressed her own body back against him with all the passion and longing she felt. His naked body pushing against her clothed one made her want to tear her own clothes off as fast as possible. All the memories from their time in the cabin came flooding into her mind, and she could feel her own arousal through her leggings.

Ahsoka bit down on Fives' lip, much harder than she normally would. He sucked in at the pain but took it as a sign that she had at least forgiven him enough to proceed. He grabbed her waist ready to push her down on to the small table behind them. 

But Ahsoka ripped his hands off of her violently. He was pushed a few feet backwards by the Force. _Maybe he was wrong. Maybe she had not forgiven him._

She bared her Togrutan fangs at him. Her breathing was heavy and her eyes looked wild and predatory. With tremendous power, she turned them both around and pushed _him_ down roughly on to the table. Before he had time to process her move, she was straddling him, pulling her tunic up around her waist, and then sinking her teeth into his neck.

_Tonight, she was in charge. And she was going to make him pay.  
_


	10. New Frontiers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka and Fives enter uncharted territory in their relationship, which is both exhilarating and scary for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I could never imagine them having a straightforward relationship, given who they are. So this is my attempt to explore the different sides of their relationship and personalities -- at times, silly and fun, other times more serious, insecure, and vulnerable.

The next morning, Ahsoka rolled over and saw the fresh scratches and bites she had left all over her lover’s body. The sights and sensations from the previous night raced through Ahsoka’s mind: 

_The image of his hands above his head, as she used the Force to keep him from touching her—not until she was ready._

_The feeling of his aching hardness pressing through her leggings as she rolled her hips against him again and again._

_The desperate warmth of his tongue on her neck and lekku, as he grew frustrated with her teasing._

_The delicious taste of his body, as she bit down on his hardened nipples, moving down his body, deliberately covering each part of his skin with her tongue and teeth._

_His body quivering as she inched closer to his length, but maddeningly refusing to touch it._

_“Please ‘Soka….” He had begged her._

_Her taking him into her body, but slowly, almost painfully so, relishing the look of quiet desperation crossing his face._

_Releasing his hands, only to have him grab her hips to move her up and down, greedily chasing the satisfaction she had been denying him for so long._

_Her reasserting control, giving him an angry growl as she dragged her nails down his chest, breaking the skin._

_Him withdrawing his hands in utter surrender, letting her set the pace as he looked up at her, smiling encouragingly._

_Finally feeling the coils of anger, hurt, and revenge releasing, as blissful pleasure rippled through her and her lover’s bodies._

_****_

Flushed with these memories, Ahsoka turned back to Fives, kissing him lovingly on the lips. _He had taken all of her anger and need for control from the previous night in stride._

It was indecently early. The suns had yet to rise on the planet. But she needed to wake him—not to further his punishment from the previous evening, though the thought excitedly crossed his mind as he opened his eyes. Ahsoka told him why she had been in the cantina last night, and how she had to get the information Leena had given her to her ship as soon as possible.

Sleepiness seemed to instantly disappear from Fives’ handsome face as she told him all this. He gave her a warm kiss and jumped off the bed. “A mission!” he shouted raising a finger in the air dramatically. Immediately he set about planning their so-called mission.

Ahsoka couldn’t help but grin broadly as he talked through different strategies and pathways that could get them to her ship, which she’d left just outside the town. He was like a crazed scientist, running around the room frantically looking at maps on his holopad, calculating distances, and asking questions about the dimensions and speed of her ship, which had no relevance for this “mission.”

But she found it all amusing, so she indulged him.

Finally, she agreed to an absurdly complex plan that involved each of them leaving the inn thirty minutes apart, moving through three different sets of rendezvous points to ensure they hadn’t been followed and eventually making it to her ship.

Part of her wanted to encourage this side of him, because no matter what he said to the contrary, Fives would always be an ARC trooper. _And he would make a great spy,_ she kept thinking over and over again.

Eventually they did make it to her ship, though it took them over four hours. It had taken her 20 minutes to get to the town the night before.

She encrypted and uploaded the information to her second in command. Then she sent a message to Bail that she’d be offline for the next week or so and not to worry.

“Well I think that was a successful mission, wouldn’t you say, Commander?” Fives said without a trace of irony in his voice. He seemed genuinely pleased with his unnecessarily complicated plan. 

“Yeah Fives, that was-- umm… really stealthy.” She couldn’t help smirking as she said it. “But the best part, is now I can have an uninterrupted week or more with you, knowing I’ve played my part for the Rebellion.”

****

Later back in the inn, they ate the food they’d bought and started to fill each other in on what had happened over the past six months.

Ahsoka asked about Echo. Fives still hadn’t found him, but he was putting the word out among his many contacts in the bounty hunter world. Talking about Echo subdued Fives for the first time that day. 

In turn, Ahsoka told Fives about a few of her more harrowing missions, but also about the sleeper cells she was organizing with Bail’s help, including a new one in the Outer Rim led by a talented young Twi’lek pilot. She tried not to give Fives too many details about her work. Even though she trusted Fives with her life, he had made it clear he didn’t share her fight with the Empire, and she wanted to protect him in case he was ever caught by the other side. The less he knew, the safer he would be.

Finally, he raised the question that had been bothering him these past few months. “Have you heard anything from Rex?” He tried to make the question sound casual.

Ahsoka was not fooled. She raised one of her eye markings up at him knowingly. “I’ve tried, Fives. I’ve sent message after message.”

“I know, cyare. I’ve seen them too. I’m using the same channels, remember?”

“Fives, do you think he’s…. gone?” she asked meekly, fearing his answer.

He shook his head. “Nah, cyare. I think you’d have known if he was dead. But I do think there is something going on that may be preventing him from seeing your messages. No matter how upset he may be, he has to know how much he’s hurting you by not answering. No. I think he’s not seeing the messages for some reason.”

“You think so?” Ahsoka asked. She wasn’t sure if his answer made her feel better or worse.

The two of them continued to talk through the night until they both fell asleep; Fives wrapped around her small frame. It was an oddly familiar position to find themselves in.

When they had both been in the GAR—she the young Padawan commander and he the ARC trooper—they used to fall asleep like that all the time in between battles. But it had seemed much more innocent then. _Or so they had each thought_. Now they were two tired lovers, finding solace from a sad world that had taken so much from them both.

******

For the next week, they continued to explore each further in these strange yet familiar ways—both in mind and body. They were genuinely enjoying each other’s company but also deepening their intimacy.

Where their first week together in the cabin had been driven by unbridled passion, trying to satiate their own feelings of loss and desire after so long, their second was a much more subdued reunion—not counting their initial night after the cantina. Yet somehow, it felt oddly more exhilarating.

Neither had ever had a “normal” relationship. As Fives had told her last time, they weren’t normal people. And their current circumstances on Nar Chunna were still far from _normal_ , as they had to run around town acting like they didn’t know each other in public and sneak into the inn like a bunch of unruly younglings.

But when they were alone on their many walks outside the town or in the privacy of their rooms, they found they were free to be themselves for the first time in years. That uninhibited openness further deepened their bond.

Several times, Ahsoka could have sworn Fives was reading her thoughts through the Force, even though he wasn’t a Force wielder. She, in turn, could tell from the smallest shift in his facial expressions or posture how he was feeling. Fives found the more he learned about his partner, the more he craved to know.

Their growing openness heightened their pleasures in the bedroom, as they began experiencing sensations in their bodies that neither thought possible.

Fives was undoubtedly a skilled and generous lover, always putting her needs first. They never made love without him ensuring she climaxed at least once before he did. But as the week went on, he was learning to unlock parts of her that even she didn’t realize she had hidden. Knowing how much trust she was putting in him, made his pleasures more intense as well. The fact that Ahsoka was so much stronger and nimbler than the average woman didn’t hurt matters either. 

In the same way, Ahsoka was learning how to please Fives in quieter, subtler ways that were both new and dangerous for him, as he opened up further to her. By the end of the week, he felt he had very few places to hide from her, and that thought scared him immensely.

****

As they neared their second departure, Ahsoka felt herself increasingly filled with dread. She couldn’t sleep the night before they were supposed to leave.

“Fives, I don’t think I can do this,” she said firmly, as they were packing up their few belongings that final morning.

“What?!” he was taken aback. He felt his heart skip a beat. _What the bloody kriff does that mean? Was she about to break up with him?_

“I don’t think I can just say goodbye not knowing when I’ll see you again.”

 _Holy kriff Ahsoka,_ he sighed in audible relief.

“Well _I_ don’t think plans work, owing to our chosen professions, cyar’ika,” he answered a bit more sarcastically than he’d meant to. At least his heart was pumping normally again.

She cupped his face with her one hand, caressing his goatee the way she knew he liked.

“Please, love, we barely found each other this time. So much was left to chance. What if I’d left the cantina earlier? What if you hadn’t come out to celebrate? What if we’ve been passing each other all the time in the galaxy and not knowing it. I can’t bear the thought of not seeing you again for another six months or more!” she was surprised to hear the anxiety in her normally solid and reassuring voice.

Fives heard it too and felt less willing to argue. After all, she had followed his plan this last time. She had accommodated his needs.

Still that would mean getting over one of his deepest fears about their relationship—which had only increased during their last week together. Sensing that he was holding something back, Ahsoka sat on the bed and motioned for him to sit next to her so she could rest her head on his shoulders and take his hand in hers.

“I understand your reasons for wanting to keep parts of your life separate from me,” Ahsoka told him rubbing his fingers comfortingly. “I don’t fully agree with it but I have respected that choice, because you made me understand why it is necessary for _you_. Now I’m asking for that same understanding and compromise for _me_. I need something solid to hold on to, even if it is a promise to meet at some point far in the future.”

“But what if…” Fives was about to lay bare his insecurities, once again, for the woman he loved. “But what if we make plans to meet and you... you don’t come?”

He almost sounded like a child.

Had Ahsoka not realized what it cost Fives to be this exposed and honest, she might have laughed. Instead, she looked him directly in his honey brown eyes and said, “You’ve got to trust me, love. The way I trust you.”


	11. INTERLUDE II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A super short interlude.
> 
> (For those of you who are connecting the timelines of this story to the wider canon (specifically in Rebels), you should realize what will be happening soon-ish.)

** Three months later. Year 5 BBY **

Against his better judgement, Fives agreed to set a date and place to meet, exactly three months after they left Nar Chunna. Ahsoka had told him she couldn’t wait another six months.

When the date of their meeting arrived, Fives felt an intense feeling of dread. He landed his ship on the small moon they’d agreed to meet on at the exact coordinates they had selected back at the inn.

He got out of his small ship and found no sign of his beloved Togruta. He fought back the anger, hurt, and insecurity that were threatening to take over.

_He knew this would happen. He would be left behind. She’d leave him behind._

He waited for another hour. Then two more. He was quickly spiraling down into that dark place inside himself, which he hadn’t fallen into since leaving the GAR. He screamed at the top of his lungs in his frustration.

Just then, he saw a shadow coming from up the hill. Then he saw a familiar silhouette, clad in her gray traveling cloak, and carrying a giant metal crate.

“Get your shebs over here, you di’kut, and help me with this box of _our_ food,” Ahsoka yelled at him teasingly. “Plus, I don’t think the entire moon heard you screaming.”

 _She had come!_ He felt her light draw him back from the darkness. And in that moment, he felt one of his last remaining defenses against her finally melt away.

_He trusted her._


	12. Had to Happen Sometime

** A year later. 4 BBY **

Over the next year, Fives and Ahsoka continued to meet each other regularly, every three or four months, stealing a few days (sometimes, if they were lucky, a few weeks) together on random planets and moons; blissfully disconnecting from the responsibilities of the Rebellion and the growing darkness spreading across the galaxy.

They were nearing their next meeting on the one of the small moons orbiting Iego, when Fives checked their usual comm channels for an updated transmission.

His heart instantly sank upon seeing her message.

_[From MoraiBird to Air:] I found him._

Fives didn’t need any further explanation. He knew who she was referring to.

Ahsoka had found Rex.

His head started to spin. All the certainty, warmth, and trust he had built up with her over the past year seemed to come crashing down in that instant.

A part of him had always expected this news. But with each of their meetings, he had succeeded in pushing that worry further away in his mind. Now he had no choice but to confront the inevitable.

_She was going to leave him for Rex._

The thought cleaved his heart in half. Relieved that none of his crew was around him at the time, he let his tears fall freely. A few minutes later he heard a second transmission come in. 

_[From MoraiBird to Air:] You know I love you._

Her words did not reassure him in the slightest. He couldn’t bring himself to write back. Instead, he left his ship, heading straight to the nearby cantina to spend all his remaining credits on drinks. Perhaps he could numb the stabbing pain he felt in his chest.

****

Two weeks later, Fives was not doing well at all.

He hadn’t showered or eaten in days. His crew had tried to cheer up their normally jovial partner but backed off quickly when Fives lashed out violently at each of them in turn.

More out of habit than anything else, he found himself drunkenly checking the comm channels every day. He hadn’t heard anything else from Ahsoka since the second transmission. He tried not to think the worst of her. But he couldn’t help it. Every bitter thought, every insecurity he’d ever had about her and Rex flashed through his mind.

When he checked the comm channel again, however, he saw a set of coordinates and a short message.

_[From YourCommander to Di’kut:] Soldier, I want you to rally yourself and get yourself to these coordinates in two rotations. Make sure you’re not followed._

His initial reaction to the message was anger and incredulity. _There was no karking way he was going to meet her!_ He couldn’t bear having her break up with him in person. He still had some dignity left.

A few hours later, when he calmed down a bit more, an even more painful, bitter thought crept into his mind. Perhaps she wasn’t going to break up with him after all, but stay with him out of some noble sense of obligation. Or guilt. For some reason, this thought made him feel even worse. Knowing her as well as he did by now, he feared this was much more likely the case.

 _Okay_ , he decided. _He would go meet her this one last time,_ but only to tell her that she had to choose Rex.

Fives loved her deeper than he had loved another person. And he would absolve her of any remaining guilt. He would give the woman he loved this one final gift.

****

Fives landed his ship in the middle of a clearing in the woods on a small, unnamed, presumably uninhabited moon in the Unknown Regions – much further out than he’d ever traveled. It had taken him thirty hours and four different hyperspace jumps to get there.

Based on the topographic scan he’d made once in the moon’s atmosphere, there was no way to land his ship closer to the coordinates Ahsoka had sent him. He memorized the path he had to take, then destroyed all of his remaining tracking devices and commlinks, so as not to be followed.

As a former ARC trooper and successful bounty hunter, Fives was very good at two things: finding his targets and not being tracked.

For hours, he crossed through the dense woods on the moon. He had to wade across a dangerous river and climb over large boulders. _Force, Ahsoka, why did you have to make this so much more difficult?_

Finally, he made his way to a sizeable rock face with a small crack—roughly the width of an average man—in the middle of it. He felt dizzy just looking at it, having never liked tight spaces. He squeezed himself through, counting his breath like a shiny. When he came out on the other side, he was shocked at the scene that awaited him.

Straight ahead was a massive home, the size of the old Jedi Temple on Coruscant, made up of what looked like walls of shimmering glass. It sparkled in the sunlight. Its many colors dancing beautifully on a massive blue crystal lake. He looked around him. There was no one here. But he had no doubt that this was the right place.

He stepped closer to the home. Just then, he heard a horrible sounding alarm. Two towering battle droids raced out of the woods pointing blasters at him. Without thinking, he pulled out his own blasters, ready to take out the pair of clankers.

“Theez, he’s with us!” came Ahsoka’s familiar cry far off to his right.

Fives looked down and saw, to his deep surprise, a short ugnaught standing just feet from him holding his own blaster. Fives had somehow missed the creature as he was so focused on the droids.

 _Then he saw her_.

Ahsoka was coming out of the woods as well, laughing and breathing heavily. She had obviously been running down to stop the ugnaught and droids from hurting Fives. He lowered his blaster.

Seeing her like that warmed his heart. And he was about to run up to her, pick her up, and kiss her as he always did when they were reunited, but then stopped himself.

Ahsoka noticed. She gave him a cautious, loving smile, though he could tell she was hurt by his cool reaction.

He looked away, pointedly.

“Come Fives. You must be tired and hungry,” she said gently. She didn’t put out her hand to touch him, even though she wanted to more than anything. _Be patient with him_ , she told herself. _He’ll come around._

Theez (the ugnaught), Ahsoka, and Fives walked back toward the house in silence. As they got closer to the building, however, Fives couldn’t get over his own natural curiosity. “Where are we?”

Happy that he was again speaking to her, Ahsoka eagerly responded. “This is Bail Organa’s safe house. He built it for his family right after the Clone Wars, in case something happened to him. Only a few of us, including his daughter, Leia, know of its existence.”

When Fives didn’t say anything, she went on, hoping to keep his interest.

“Bail picked a moon that had not been plotted by the Republic. He found this piece of land himself on foot, and brought a group of specialized droids to build the entire thing with materials from the moon itself. Later, he reprogrammed them to run the property in his absence. It is completely self-sufficient. It draws all its energy from the suns. It has its own clean water supply” Ahsoka said pointing to the lake.

“It has acres of farm lands, orchards, and grazing pastures for animals. It has a full armory, stocked with fully operational battle droids, as you’ve already seen. And there is something about the magnetic pull of this moon that renders most communication devices useless. There is one terminal inside the house that does work, and it only has a direct line to Organa’s office on Alderaan.”

She paused to see if Fives was impressed. He clearly was.

“Theez here and his partner, Jowg, manage and maintain the droids and keep everything running smoothly.” Theez let out an appreciative grunt at this rare in-person recognition for his work.

Fives couldn’t help himself. He leaned in closer to Ahsoka and whispered, “Yeah but can Organa trust them?” darting a suspicious look at the short, pig-like humanoid leading the way. “Seems like a slight flaw in his perfect little security plan.”

Ahsoka was thrilled to have Fives so close to her. She still didn’t dare touch him, but she leaned her head toward his, whispering conspiratorially.

“Theez and Jowg were living a life of servitude and misery on a gas mine; enslaved by the Techno Union. They had fallen in love there and wanted to escape, when they ran into Bail, who was on the planet on a diplomatic mission for the Republic. He smuggled the two out on his personal ship. After they made it clear they had nowhere to go and wanted to remain alone, he brought them here. They are as loyal to him as his own daughter,” Ahsoka said firmly.

She turned to look directly at Fives. He tried to look away from those magnetic beautiful blue eyes, but found he couldn’t help but be drawn to them. “Good man, that Bail,” he said somewhat lamely.

“Yeah, good man,” she whispered, giving him a penetrating look.

Fives felt himself blush under her gaze, then continued to follow her through the door of the house. His heart was pumping dangerously fast inside his chest.

 _This was going to be so much harder than he had imagined_.

As he stepped into the house, he felt yet another jolt. Standing in front of him was a bald man with a snowy white beard and a most familiar face.


	13. Not Normal Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rex and Fives love the same woman. They need to figure out what that means for the three of them.

“Rex?!” Fives yelled out. He didn’t know why he was surprised to see his old Captain standing before him.

Fives had been so preoccupied with his meeting with Ahsoka over the past two weeks, he simply had not counted on Rex being there too. Another ghost from his past. The person who had saved his life. _One of his closest vod._

But at this moment, all Fives could feel was resentment toward the man.

Ahsoka seemed to sense Fives’ conflicted emotions through the Force and tried to push back a feeling of calm and love. Fives immediately resented her doing that. _Couldn’t she let him feel what he needed to feel?!_

Fives put up his best shields against her. She frowned, obviously hurt.

“Okay Fives, you can go clean up in the refresher there. And come see the rest of the house?” she said, trying her best to break through the tension that had built up in the room. He nodded his head but didn’t say anything as he walked away angrily.

He came out of the refresher a few minutes later a little cleaner and a little calmer.

He found Rex and Ahsoka seated across from each other in the vast living room, which had a magnificent, uninterrupted view of the lake. On a small table between them was a fine spread of fruits, cheeses, wine, and raw looking meats, which were undoubtedly for Ahsoka. Neither Rex nor Ahsoka was speaking. Instead they were looking expectantly and warmly at him.

Fives took a seat on a third sofa, reluctantly forming a triangle between the three of them. Now that he was here—between them—he suddenly felt very self-conscious. He wanted to get this over with as fast as possible and get out of this house. Get off this karking moon. And away from them both.

He leaned forward on the edge of the sofa, putting his elbows on his knees, and clasping his hands together. He was looking at the table rather than at them.

“Okay, before either of you says anything, I need to say this.” He took a couple steadying breaths. “I know Ahsoka loves you, Rex. And I know that you love her. And I don’t want… No, _I will not_ come between that love. I only agreed to come here today to say that I will continue to be your friend, Ahsoka. And Rex, you’ll always be my vod. And I wish you both a very happy life together.” He had closed his eyes at these last words.

There was silence.

He opened his eyes to catch a look pass between Ahsoka and Rex. “I told you he’d take it like this,” Ahsoka said smiling. Rex laughed jovially, leaning back casually on his sofa, with his arms resting comfortably behind his head.

 _When did his intense, serious captain turn into this jolly old man?_ Fives felt his blood boil at the pair of them.

He had just _kriffing_ given up the woman he loved to his brother, and they were both acting like it was some kind of joke. He stood up ready to storm out of the room.

“Please sit, love,” Ahsoka said much more seriously. “I’m sorry. It’s just that me and Rex expected you’d make some noble, dramatic gesture like this.”

“Oh, did you, now?” Fives said, with cruel sarcasm. “The two of you enjoyed talking about me behind my back?” He knew he sounded like a child. But he couldn’t escape the depth of his bitterness and hurt.

He had been through hell these past two weeks. _Didn’t she know that_? _Hadn’t he made it perfectly clear to her when they started all this that he had wanted to protect himself, precisely from this kind of pain? Now they were belittling his suffering.  
_

Ahsoka made to stand up and walk over to him, but he put his hand up to stop her. He sat back down just so she wouldn’t come closer. Again, he saw the sting of his actions in her eyes, but it didn’t soften his anger in the slightest.

She took a deep breath. “Fives, I don’t want you to leave me. _I love you_. I’ve been in love with you for so long. And this past year and half have been some of the best of my life. I don’t want you to leave….”

Rex filled in the rest of the sentence for her, “on account of me.” 

Rex’s tone was reassuring but sad all the same. Even now, being here with her, the pain of the past fifteen years had not disappeared entirely for him. _For either of them_. Rex knew that now.

Fives looked up at his former captain. His brother, who had saved his life on Coruscant, and so many times before that. The man who loved the same woman he did. _Force, this was all so terribly tragic,_ Fives thought, tears threatening to betray his resolve _._

Rex started to mirror Fives’ posture, leaning in toward him, trying to be the caring, patient, older vod he hadn’t been for so long.

“Listen Fives, ‘Soka and I were finally reunited after _fifteen karking years_ of not seeing each other! Nearly six years of those not speaking to one another. Not knowing what had happened to the other. But when we saw each other again two weeks ago, we both knew our feelings for each other had endured. We both loved each other deeply. No time or distance had taken that away,” Rex looked lovingly at Ahsoka, feeling her affection and warmth mirrored back.

Fives felt his fury and jealousy rising again--almost to a breaking point. _Why was Rex saying all this?_ _Why were they looking at each other like that in front of him?_ It was making him feel so much worse. All he wanted to do was rage and break this whole glass house down.

Rex continued. “And after we realized that our love was still there, Ahsoka opened up to me fully. She told me about _you_. If I’m being honest, vod, I was…” he sighed. “ _I still am_ … more than a little jealous.”

Fives looked up in surprise. Disarmed. He hadn’t expected this from Rex.

Rex turned to Ahsoka, and she gave him an encouraging nod. She had asked Rex to be open and honest with Fives, and he was going to honor her request. But it still wasn’t easy for a man who had learned to bottle up all his feelings for so long.

“Yeah, Fives. You’ve had more than a year to enjoy being with her. To love and be loved by her. I’d had one week during the worst moment of our lives. I just didn’t think I stood a chance next to you. I told her I understood her decision to stay with you, and that I wouldn’t get in your way.”

It was Rex’s turn to look down mournfully. Fives could see a tear falling down his Captain’s lined face.

Ahsoka spoke up. “But I made Rex see that it was never a choice for me. I love you both. I’ve _loved_ you both for so long. And I know what I’m asking may seem selfish, but I don’t think I can be apart from either of you. Not now. Not again. And I think…. No. _I’m certain_ my heart is big enough to love both of you… and love you equally.”

“In different ways, of course” she quickly clarified when Fives raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Each of you is so different and your relationships with me unique and special. But I love you both deeply and wholly. After everything we’ve been through, I know the Force has finally brought us all together for a reason.”

Fives didn’t say anything. He fidgeted with his hands. _It was selfish of her to want them both_. _Why couldn’t she choose like a normal person?_

His shields must have slipped because Ahsoka responded directly to his last unspoken thought.

“Because Fives, as you told me a while ago, we _are not_ normal people. And these _are not_ normal times. I used to think what you were implying was sad. I used to think it meant we could never find happiness the way other people do. But now I think it just means we do things differently. We are not bound by the same rules… Our love is just different….”

****

 _Kriff_ , _she was throwing his own words back at him_.

“Okay, for argument’s sake, let’s say I accept what you’re saying. That you have found a way to love us both equally. What does that mean for me and Rex? What would that love look like for us, ‘Soka?” Fives asked, trying to sound less bitter, though the quiver in his voice betrayed his true feelings.

“Well Rex has decided to join the Rebellion,” she said gesturing toward Rex, who nodded his head in assent.

“So that means we’ll see each other more regularly, whenever I’m on the Rebel command ship. But my work as Fulcrum often takes me far away from there. I’ll still be traveling around the Galaxy. And I can easily continue meeting you every few months like before.”

Rex nodded his head in approval again. _They had clearly had this discussion between the two of them already._

Fives still couldn’t push down the insecurities and jealousy tearing him apart from the inside—that feeling that had been there since the Clone Wars. That she loved Rex _more_.

Now she was admitting that she would be spending more time with him. _Force, Rex had already joined her Rebellion_ , which no doubt endeared him more with her. _Always had to be the hero, right Rex?_

His older vod, this time, seemed to sense what was going through his brother’s mind. “Fives, you were always one of my closest brothers. Even with Wolffe and Gregor, it has been different…” Fives looked confused. “I’ll explain later,” Rex put a mollifying hand up to ensure he wasn’t interrupted.

He looked straight into Fives’ eyes—the precise shape and color as his. How he had missed that goateed face. _So similar yet so different._

Rex gave his signature crooked smile. “And as one of my closest brothers, I always wanted you to be happy. That night when you told me you loved Ahsoka too, after she left the Jedi, I felt deeply ashamed of myself. I thought perhaps I was the reason you’d never acted on that love. It was …. It still isn’t easy to love the same woman, especially when that woman is Ahsoka. I know what that feels like, probably better than any other being in this galaxy. And I’d be lying to you if I didn’t say I don’t struggle with the feeling that she loves you more.”

This last confession hit the mark.

Fives studied Rex for a moment. He looked older, more tired, more sun-marked, less hair. A bit heavier too. But he was still undeniably Rex. His older brother whom he’d loved, whom he’d always looked up to and respected. If _that_ man could feel insecure about _him,_ then that said something.

Ahsoka stood up now and walked over to Fives before he could push her away again. She pulled him up into a hug. This time, Fives didn’t resist her. She then waved for Rex to come over. The three of them embraced in an awkward hug.

After a few moments like this, Ahsoka broke apart from them and let the two clones hug without her. She could feel the mess of emotions running through them both, as Fives seemed to be dropping his shields. Rex looked relieved but still uneasy.

Then she said as softly as she could manage: “Fives. I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want. But my decision is that I want to be with you both. When we started this, you said you’d respect my choice. And this is it.”

He took a deep breath. 

“Yeah, I know, cyare.” Fives finally said. He could feel her light radiating through his body now that his shields were fully down.

 _Force who was he kidding?_ He would have done anything to make her happy. He also thought he deserved to be happy too. And he knew—deep down inside—that he was happiest when he was with her.

He let the silence linger in the room.

Rex was shifting impatiently next to him, but Ahsoka was still holding Fives’ hands, gazing intently into his eyes.

With an uncertain grin, Fives said, “if anyone can pull this off, it’s you, cyare. You bring balance to this galaxy. And I guess, Rex and I bring balance to _you_.”

She laughed appreciatively and pulled him in to give him a long, deep kiss. Knowing what both men had endured—the loss, the doubts, the suffering, the betrayals—Ahsoka was so grateful that they were willing to try to make it work. _They both were her mates._ Ahsoka felt her heart might burst from happiness. She had been hoping Fives would come around, just as Rex finally had. But she also knew Fives was intensely more insecure about Rex, and she didn’t want to force him to do anything that would hurt him further.

She lovingly brushed her fingers through Fives’ long hair. “Plus, I know you’ll still be busy with your other women while I’m away,” she winked teasingly.

Fives didn’t feel it the right moment to confess to her that he hadn’t touched another woman since Nar Chunna. So, he just stared back into her eyes and gave her a reciprocating smile.

Before long, Ahsoka turned around and grabbed hold of Rex again, who seemed lost in his own thoughts. She kissed him as hard and passionately as she had kissed Fives. When they finally broke apart, both men were rubbing the backs of their heads in an identical way, clearly embarrassed. And _still immensely jealous._

This was all strange and uncomfortable, but Ahsoka was going to help them manage.


	14. The House on the Lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rex, Ahsoka, and Fives deepen their bonds (and unlock new pleasures) at the House on the Lake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty long -- but I hope it is worth it :)

Rex had insisted that for their first night at the house on the lake, Ahsoka and Fives share a room.

“I’m old and getting tired more easily,” Rex explained ruefully. “I’m actually looking forward to a peaceful night of sleep in a quiet house, rather than trying to steal a nap with two teenagers, a grumpy droid, and a Lasat always thundering around a tiny ship.”

Fives gave Ahsoka a questioning look. “We’ll explain later,” she laughed.

She kissed Rex goodnight, giving his hand an appreciative squeeze, before leading Fives to one of the many bedrooms in the house.

She immediately forced Fives into the adjacent refresher—the weeks of self-neglect had left behind their unpleasant residues. After she ensured he was thoroughly clean, they made love under the running water, trying their best to remain quiet for Rex’s sake – a unique departure for them both. For Fives, it felt a bit like they were having an affair, which excited him more than he would have admitted to either of them.

The next day, the three of them came together to explore the house and its grounds. They met Jowg, Theez’s partner. Fives kept making Ahsoka and Rex laugh after repeatedly mixing the two ugnaughts up. “They kriffing look identical. How can I tell which is which?” he asked exasperatedly.

“So says the clone,” Ahsoka roared with laughter.

They laughed their way through the pastures, coming across a massive herd of nerfs. They passed through the orchards, picking off fresh fruits as they went. Fives playfully threw Ahsoka into the lake on their way back to the house, only to have her to use the Force to throw him (not at all gently) into the cool water. Rex jumped in gleefully after both of them, and the three enjoyed swimming and splashing around as the suns continued to bath the lake in a beautiful orange light.

****

Over lunch, Rex and Ahsoka finally told Fives the full story of how they had been reunited by the Ghost crew.

Ahsoka started. “I really have to thank you, Fives. I took your suggestion seriously that Rex was probably not receiving my transmissions. I put a quiet call out to our networks to find a retired clone captain from the Clone Wars, who could help the Rebel Alliance as we were ramping up our military operations against the Empire.”

She swallowed a whole piece of bloody nerf meat, then went on. “After tracking down a few false leads, I eventually confirmed that Rex was in the Seelos system with two unidentified clones. As soon as I got the news, I wanted to race down there myself to get him. But I was afraid Rex didn’t want to see me after all this time.”

Rex reached out and grabbed her hand in a loving, reassuring gesture.

Fives felt genuinely sorry for them both, knowing how long it had taken them to find each other again.

“As luck would have it, a few months later I met up with Hera, the Twi’lek pilot—the one I told you about, Fives—and her crew on the Ghost. I decided that her partner, Kanan, a Jedi, and his padawan, Ezra, might be the perfect pair to reach out to Rex.”

“There are other Jedis?” Fives dropped his fork looking incredulously at Ahsoka. He knew what that meant to her.

“Not many,” Ahsoka told him sadly. “Kanan and Ezra are the only ones I’ve met who are still committed to the Jedi ways, though of course there are many more force users who’ve never been trained.”

Then she gave Fives a smile. “Well I thought my old captain would have a soft spot for Ezra in particular. Fives, he’s so much like I was at that age—snippy, brave, and bold but also a big heart. Honestly though, I didn’t expect Ezra to be as good as he was _._ In the end, he convinced Rex to return back with them. I’ll forever be indebted to that boy—and Kanan for managing it.” She lovingly squeezed Rex’s hand again.

Rex chuckled appreciatively. “Yeah that Ezra has a lot of you in him for sure... And Kanan will come around…. one day.” He sighed softly.

Then he continued the story from there, “From the moment I saw Ahsoka aboard the Rebel command ship, I knew all the feelings we had shared before and after Order 66 were still there. I could feel it in the way she hugged me. I could see it in her eyes. I could practically hear her singing through the Force. So, I swallowed my pride, fears, and insecurities—breaking down all those walls I had carefully constructed over the years to protect myself—and marched into her cabin after everyone else was asleep. And I refused to leave until we had talked through everything.”

Now Rex’s face dropped. “I told her about how I’d nearly lost my mind during the year I hadn’t heard from her. I’d heard horrible rumors about the Inquisitors and felt certain that she’d been hunted down. _Why else hadn’t I heard from her?_ That was really my darkest moment. I kept wishing I’d died with my men after Order 66. Finally, I managed to get myself to Cut and Suu’s farm. They nursed me back to health, Force bless them. Cut reminded me that the love I shared with Ahsoka was a gift, no matter how brief our time together had been. And that I also loved my brothers. And if I couldn’t save Ahsoka, I could still save my _vode_.

“That’s when I started tracking down our lost brothers; those who had somehow escaped the Empire. I took up odd jobs here and there to get enough credits to fund my journey. Sometimes I’d run into Imperial forces, but they were slowly decommissioning clones. So, I was in less and less danger with each passing month.....

"Then nearly eighteen months after she left me, I finally saw one of Ahsoka’s transmissions. I was shocked and relieved that she was still alive, but then I felt overwhelmed and hurt. Why hadn’t she reached out earlier?” Rex’s eyes stung with tears.

Fives felt another warm rush of affection for his old captain. He knew all too well how quickly _he had_ fallen into despair when he thought Ahsoka was going to leave him for Rex. He couldn’t imagine the pain Rex had endured all these years.

“Every time she reached out, I wanted to beg her to join me. Then I’d remind myself of the reasons we separated in the first place. How she thought I couldn’t protect her. And I was certain she wouldn’t want to hang around a bunch of clones again, not after everything she’d been through. So, I held back....And after a few years, I ran into Wolffe….”

He proceeded to tell Fives about how he found Wolffe then Gregor and all their trials and tribulations escaping the surveillance of the Empire. There was silence for a while, as Rex seemed caught up in these sad memories.

When he spoke again, his voice was thick with emotion. 

“By the time Wolffe and Gregor joined me, my exchanges with Ahsoka had already grown less frequent and less personal, and I was convinced that whatever she had once felt for me was no longer there. Then her transmissions suddenly stopped...”

Ahsoka continued rubbing his fingers with her thumb, as Rex seemed unable to continue. 

She picked up the story for him. “He found out just a few weeks ago that Wolffe had been intercepting my transmissions. Wolffe claimed he did it to stop the Empire from finding them, but Rex thinks Wolffe was afraid he would leave the pair of them for me.”

Fives gave Ahsoka an ‘I told you so,’ look. Her lekku darkened a bit, and she smiled back warmly.

Meanwhile, Rex seemed to snap out of his sad reverie, wiping away his tears. “Ah well, I forgave the one-eyed old fool right away. I understood his traumas better than anyone. For years, we were all that we had left in this big, cruel Galaxy. Or so I thought until Kanan, Sabine, Ezra, and Zeb showed up and told me that Ahsoka had sent them to find me.”

He gave Ahsoka a big appreciative smile. She kissed him gently on his cheek and put her forehead against his.

Fives looked away pointedly at this intimate embrace. 

****

Fives and Ahsoka spent their second night alone together, again at Rex’s insistence. Fives was definitely softening to his former Captain, but he still held on to Ahsoka greedily at night. 

By the third night, however, Ahsoka was done with this arrangement. She was ready to start forging new grounds with her two mates. 

Plus she didn’t want to hurt Rex any more than she already had. Since they’d been reunited a few weeks earlier, she and Rex had only made love once—the very first night in her cabin. It had been a tender, almost timid reunion—rediscovering each other after so long. Afterwards, Ahsoka had felt guilty about it. As she told Rex, she wanted to first sort everything out with Fives before proceeding further. Respecting her decision, Rex had still immensely enjoyed their time kissing and holding each other in bed night after night—though he struggled to keep his mounting desires in check.

Now Ahsoka was ready to make it up to him.

After the three of them spent the evening drinking wine and laughing in the living room, Ahsoka got up and took Rex’s hands. Fives tried to push down the jealous monster, which always seemed to be lurking just beneath the surface. He was taken aback then when she reached out and took his hand too.

With her unnatural strength, she dragged the two men to an unused bedroom with an enormous bed.

Fives tried to pull his hand out of her grip. Ever the experienced lover, Fives had shared his bed with multiple partners before. But this was different. _Rex was his brother, for Force sake_. And Ahsoka was not just some random woman he picked up at a cantina. The more he tried to pull away though, the more tightly Ahsoka held on to him.

“I just want to lay down,” she told him, sounding playfully innocent. Fives would have believed her too if it weren’t for the hungry, predatory look in her eyes that he knew all too well. She bit down on her lip invitingly—further crumbling his resistance.

Ahsoka pulled Fives to the bed first, laying him on his side so that they were facing each other. She didn’t break their eye contact, as she indicated with her free hand that Rex should take the position behind her. Rex was unsure what she wanted him to do, but he laid down eagerly and wrapped his arm firmly across her waist.

She gently caressed Fives’ jaw, goatee, and neck. When he moved to touch her face in turn, she playfully bit down on his finger, then began to suck on it seductively, drawing out a soft, involuntary moan from him. Ahsoka’s montrals were blocking Rex’s face for now, and for that Fives was grateful. 

Meanwhile, Ahsoka felt Rex’s excitement growing behind her, which turned her on more. She started to undulate her body so that she was rubbing against his length, encouraging him further. Rex let out a low groan of appreciation as well, squeezing her tighter around the waist as he starting kissing her shoulder and neck.

Letting go of Fives’ finger, Ahsoka leaned into Rex, lifting her head to give him easier access, feeling his warm breath on her jawline. Not one to be left out, Fives put her front lek into his mouth, sucking on it, drawing out that purring, moaning sound that drove both men crazy.

Ahsoka wasn’t sure which of them had started to undress her, but she surrendered completely to the two sets of hands that were now exploring and tracing her body.

She slowly turned around to fully embrace Rex, letting their lips meet--enjoying the feel of his soft beard and mustache on her face. He pulled her leggings down and placed his fingers between her legs, exploring her warmth and wetness. Rex’s breath grew heavy in nervous anticipation.

Through her kiss, Ahsoka tried to reassure him. _This was all very new for her too._

By contrast, Fives, who was uncharacteristically reserved at first, seemed to finally be taking more control, comfortably in his element. He was, after all, the most experienced of them. Pulling off the last of her clothing, Fives quickly freed himself of his own clothes, while Ahsoka helped Rex out of his blacks.

Now completely naked and nestled between the two men she loved, Ahsoka could fully appreciate the differences in her lovers' bodies.

Fives was definitely the leaner, more agile of the two, but still incredibly well-built and strong. She turned to face him again, sliding her hand appreciatively across his toned chest and stomach muscles, before taking hold of his hardening length and rubbing it at a steady pace. 

Rex was considerably bigger than Fives now, covered in muscles and freckles from his time slinging for joopa in the hot Seelos sun. He made Ahsoka feel safe, nestled in his big rippling arms and body. She dragged her other hand across the muscles of his back until she reached his rounded firm backside. She grabbed it with delight. Rex bit down playfully on her shoulder to show his approval.

Ahsoka then looked into Fives’ face hoping he could guide them through the next part. Understanding her silent request, he gave them their instructions: “Rex can roll on his back and take you from the bottom. And I’ll take care of you from the top.”

Ever the good soldier, Rex immediately followed his orders. Laying on his back, he pulled Ahsoka on top of him so that they were both facing upwards. Ahsoka bent her knees and placed her legs on either side of his hips, simultaneously putting her hands down behind her—one on each side of Rex's body—to give them both a better angle. Then with her guidance, Rex entered her with slow deliberation.

From her right side, Fives started working her breasts, sucking and playing with them for some time before taking each lek into his mouth, knowing it drove her crazy. Finding his awkwardness with Rex starting to evaporate in the heat of his own desires, he slowly slid his tongue down her body, using his fingers to spread her apart before laving her core with his tongue. 

Ahsoka felt herself levitate a few inches off of Rex from the dual pleasure. Her Captain grabbed her protectively and pulled her back down to his warm body. She never knew she could feel such ecstasy.

The Force seemed to be pushing them further, connecting them in titillating new ways. Thus, as she could feel Rex’s pleasure vibrating through her, Ahsoka was sending those sensations into Fives, who was feeling his lover’s pleasures in turn.

_It was electrifying._

Rex and Ahsoka both reached their climax rather quickly. Ahsoka rolled off of Rex to give him a kiss and to embrace him lovingly. Fives patiently gave them some time, before pulling her backwards so her hips were in the air and her chest pressed firmly against the bed. He took her from behind, while his vod continued to recover next to them.

Though Rex was a bit uncomfortable (and more than a little insecure) watching Fives taking her so confidently in front of him, he quickly found himself turned on by Ahsoka’s moans and the rhythm of their love making.

She kept her eyes on Rex the entire time.

_It was like watching a holovid of his lover._

With one hand, Rex brought her fingers to his mouth, sucking on each of them in turn. With his other, he started stroking himself at the same pace that Fives was entering her. Again, the Force seemed to be heightening their sensations individually and collectively. As Ahsoka's body shook with pleasure, Rex could feel not only her response but also Fives’ building tension. The sensations they were sharing across their three bodies brought them over the edge one after the other. 

By the next round, any discomfort or self-consciousness they had initially felt had all but disappeared. Silently, both men found themselves working in perfect tandem, as if back on the battlefield once again, trying to reach the same goal: satisfying the woman they loved and deepening their own pleasures.

Over the next few hours, they experimented with different arrangements and angles—though always with Ahsoka at the center—making good use of their tongues, fingers, her lekku. Anything that felt good or right to get them to their shared goal. For her part, Ahsoka had considerably more stamina than the average woman, not just as a force wielder but as Togruta. And she found herself spurred on by her two lovers’ growing enthusiasm and trust in one another.

After an exhausting fifth round, the three finally collapsed into a deep, satisfied sleep, their limbs intertwined and tangled with one another. They were beyond tired. But there was no denying the intense level of love and trust that now filled the room.

****

For the following two nights, Ahsoka slept with Rex alone, with Fives’ encouragement. _They deserved their one-on-one time as well, after all._

But she found herself missing Fives and feeling guilty about leaving him behind. So, the next evening, she made sure the three of them shared a bed again. From that point on, no one slept alone at night. 

The days were different. They found time to reconnect with each other as pairs, in different configurations.

Rex and Fives often used the mornings (while Ahsoka slept in) to go off into the woods to catch up. They mainly talked about their vode, while they used their blasters to shoot at targets. They discussed what they’d been up to over the past 16 years since they’d last seen each other. Rex hadn’t been able to find Echo either, much to Fives’ disappointment. But Fives thanked Rex for not giving up on Echo during the Battle of Araxes. And he grew hopeful again, when Rex told him that he’d recently heard about the exploits of the Bad Batch, which possibly meant they weren’t gone.

They, of course, talked at length about Ahsoka. 

“I never thought we’d be here with her like this,” Rex confessed.

“Well I always pictured you with her,” Fives stated matter-of-factly. “I never imagined she would love _me_ the same way. I’m still not sure, Rex.”

“Trust me, Fives, she’s got enough love to fill this galaxy. We always knew she was special. And that light we saw in her after Umbara, it has somehow grown. I’ve seen how the Rebels all look up to her. Ezra practically worships her. Kanan is in awe of her. She’s amazing to watch in action. And to think that she chose us among all the people who love her is….”

“Overwhelming? Intimidating? Scary?” Fives offered half joking, half serious.

Rex chuckled. “Yeah…. But I’m not complaining. Not anymore, vod. Not after being away from her for so long. I know what it’s like to live in this cruel galaxy without her. And I don’t know how much more time we’ve got left, Fives. I want to spend as much of it with her as she can give me.”

Fives nodded quietly. No one else in the galaxy could know what Rex meant, except him. Their shared love of Ahsoka was oddly strengthening their own bonds of love and trust.

Ahsoka, in turn, took turns enjoying her time with Fives and Rex separately during the afternoons, while the other took much needed naps. She wanted to make sure they knew she cared for them as individuals as well.

She was more aware than anyone how insecure it made clones to be treated like they were interchangeable. For Rex and Fives, this was a particularly sensitive issue, as both had actively fought against their Kaminoan programming. So, she tried to accommodate their unique interests and needs here on this moon too.

She knew Rex liked to explore the land, spending time with the animals or wading through creeks, all while affectionately holding hands. They had so much to catch up on, so they mainly talked. Rex had become much more light-hearted over time, having largely detached himself from the sorrows of the galaxy, whereas she had grown much more serious, fully immersing herself in the fight against the Empire. This reversal in their dispositions amused them both. And she found it surprising and wonderful how much Rex now made her laugh. They took advantage of those rare silent moment to kiss and reconnect more physically as well. She was pleased to know that even though Rex looked considerably older, his passions and stamina still remained those of a much younger man.

As for Fives, Ahsoka could sense he was quickly getting bored with the tranquility of the moon. So, she would go swimming with him in the lake, where they often ended up making love. They also started fighting with the battle droids for fun and to keep up their forms. On occasion, they sparred together, which also usually ended in more intimate contact. 

At night, the three of them ate, played games of sabacc, and laughed some more, before sharing their bed together. By this point, neither of the clones felt any more embarrassment about their sleeping arrangement. Ahsoka snuggled perfectly between them, they all got to escape their nightmares, which had been haunting them for years.

It was arguably the best month of their lives. These three veterans of war had experienced unspeakable violence, pain, oppression, and loss over the years. It was a welcomed relief to escape it all with two other people they loved and trusted so deeply.

They knew they’d never forget their time here in their hidden paradise, reminding each other over and over again in the years to come of the House on the Lake. 


	15. That Which They Feared Most

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahsoka settles into her new relationship with Rex and Fives, even as the darkness of the wider galaxy begins to close in on them. Fives and Rex try to help her manage, as she seems on an inevitable course toward Malachor.

** Seven months later. Still 4 BBY **

True to her word, Ahsoka did her best to balance her time between her two chosen mates after leaving the house on the lake.

While on the Rebel command ship, she spent every single night with Rex. Neither of them announced their relationship formally to the other rebels, but Hera, Sabine, and the others quickly figured out that Ahsoka’s “old friend” was more than that.

Still she didn’t mind the gossip. There was little doubt that Rex had transformed her life in the Rebellion for the better. She found herself running off of her ship after missions to his cabin (unofficially their shared one), where they found solace and strength in one another.

As Fulcrum, Ahsoka carried immense responsibilities, and she always needed to look strong for the others. Only with Rex could she be open about her own fears, hopes, and frustrations. Only Rex knew all the pieces of her story, and the doubts that still plagued her. Only Rex could comfort her and make her feel grounded and whole.

Rex, in turn, had been given a renewed purpose in life thanks to Ahsoka. He felt years younger, now fighting in a war against the Dark side that he actually believed in and was allowed to fight on his own terms. With Ahsoka’s encouragement, Rex started taking his own missions for the Rebellion, first with Kanan and eventually others, including Commander Sato.

One thing Ahsoka had learned from her relationship with Fives was that it was essential for her mates to have their own lives, independent from her. Plus, she knew it was unfair, when she was constantly putting her own life in danger, to ask Rex not to do the same.

She loved Rex _precisely_ because he was so noble and brave—and knew how to inspire others to greatness as well. The entire Spectre crew was benefiting from his leadership, but particularly Ezra and Kanan.

Their shared commitment to fight the tyranny of the Empire only deepened their love, helping them close the painful rift that had formed between them during their years spent apart. And now, they could both feel their bond through the Force. When they were apart from each other, Ahsoka had taught Rex to check in through the Force to know that she was safe.

They continued to further explore each other physically as well. Since the House on the Lake, Rex had become a much more assured and adventurous lover, thanks in part to Fives’ guidance. Soon they had managed to make love all around the ship, sneaking around like a couple of love-lust teenagers—in the cargo hold, the kitchen, Sato’s private chambers. Ahsoka was sure Chopper had caught them more than once. But the grumpy, loveable droid never said anything, though she could have sworn that Hera and Kanan kept giving her knowing smiles from time to time.

If anyone knew how Rex and Ahsoka felt, it was Hera and Kanan. And though Kanan and Rex had eventually overcome their mistrust and were developing a friendship with one another, Rex felt a particular affection for Hera, knowing how confusing and difficult it was to love a Jedi (especially reluctant ones like Ahsoka and Kanan). He saw a lot of himself in her.

****

Meanwhile, while she was away on her missions as Fulcrum, Ahsoka continued to meet regularly with Fives. The two of them fell into their old pattern much more easily than either thought possible.

Where the Rebellion was central to Rex and Ahsoka’s rekindled relationship, Fives offered her a purposeful escape from it. During those days they spent together, usually in the Outer Rims, they splurged on nice meals. They slept at nicer inns and homes of acquaintances. They went swimming on isolated ocean planets and huddled for warmth on ice-covered planets.

That didn’t mean they stopped talking about the war. There was no escaping that now. Fives started giving Ahsoka more detailed reports about what he was seeing around the galaxy. Nearly all of it was bad. Whether he liked to admit it or not, he was now serving as one of her most important spies. _And a good one at that._

Eventually, Ahsoka told Fives about Vader.

****

She had first confided her suspicions about Vader’s true identity to Rex, as she had sensed her old master right before reuniting with her former captain. Rex had not taken the news well at all _. How could his General, the man he loved as his brother, turn into that monster?_ Rex had seen enough of Vader’s destruction around the Galaxy to feel deep hatred for the Sith. And then to find out that it was Anakin this whole time?

Ahsoka felt equally conflicted, not even daring to voice her concerns to Fives until she could get more proof for her suspicions. After their glorious month at the house on the lake, she decided to visit the Jedi temple on Lothal with Kanan and Ezra to find out more.

When she returned to their new Rebel base on Atollon (aptly called Chopper base), she was shaking.

“What happened, cyare?” Rex asked worriedly, the moment she stepped into their shared quarters. Ahsoka collapsed into his arms.

“I think that thing…. That Sith… really is Anakin,” she let herself completely unravel before Rex, who was caressing her lekku reassuringly, feeling his own tears fall. 

“I never got to say I was sorry for leaving him, Rex. To Anakin. What if I am the reason….” She said, voicing for the first time the fear that had been haunting her. “In the temple, I heard Anakin ask me why I had left him.” She continued to sob. 

“Shhh, cyare." It broke his heart to hear her take the blame. "Please don’t say that. Don't believe it. If what you’re saying is true, and Vader really is Anakin, then something much worse must have happened to make him turn to the Dark side. You’re forgetting, cyare, I continued to fight alongside Anakin for a whole year after you left. If anything, I think we became closer in that time. He finally opened up to me about Padme, and he backed me up when I went to find Echo. _No cyare,_ you’re not the one to turn him to the Dark Side,” he kissed her montrals and lay them both down on their bunk so he could hold her. "There must have been something else...."

All night, he held her as she cried--unable to say anymore. She was still wracked with guilt and feelings of self-doubt. No matter what Rex said, she felt responsible for her former Master. And she knew she had to confront him somehow.

In the morning, she rolled over to see Rex wide awake, his arms still protectively covering her body. She gave him a tender kiss. He seemed alert with that intense look he got in his eyes when he had had some deep revelation. 

“Soka?” he asked.

“Yes, love,” she responded back groggily. Even after all these years, she was still not a morning person--a fact Rex found amusing and endearing all the same.

“Soka… what if you went on a mission to try to find out more about Vader? Try to get to the bottom of this, once and for all?”

“But what about the Rebellion, this is a crucial moment….”

He cut her off gently. “I know, cyare. But Kanan has been saying for some time, and I agree, that until we know how to deal with the Inquisitors, we can never really move forward. And they are connected, right? Vader and the Inquisitors. What if you really figured out what happened to Anakin after Order 66?”

Honestly, she had wanted to do precisely that since she left the Jedi temple. But she was worried it would seem selfish, given the countless other challenges facing the Rebellion. Hearing Rex voice his support for the idea only confirmed for her how much she needed to do this, both for herself and for the Rebels. 

“And Soka, take Fives with you...” he said, almost as an afterthought. When she raised her eye markings in a questioning way, he let out an amused sigh. “My vod is the best ARC trooper to ever come out of the GAR. If anyone can get to the bottom of this mystery, it's him. Plus, he’ll keep an eye out for you.” _He’ll bring you back to me,_ he thought sadly.

“What about you? Can you come too, Rex?” she asked eagerly, imagining this mission with both her mates--potentially months together alone.

“Sato already has me set up on a few recon missions. You know I’d love nothing more than to go on this journey with you. To spend more time with you, cyare. But I’m the only one who knows the old GAR bases--and anything about military strategy. They’re counting on me.” He sounded disappointed as well. But she understood, better than anyone else, how important Rex’s work and expertise were for the Rebellion.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily. I’ll be back as soon as I can, love,” she said quietly, giving him a big grateful kiss, before sending a transmission off to Fives.

****

Together, Fives and Ahsoka set off to different systems around the galaxy, tracking down abandoned Sith temples, archives, anything that could get them closer to the truth. It was physically and emotionally exhausting work, but Fives felt so grateful to be able to spend so much time with Ahsoka. He actually felt bad for Rex, trapped alone on the rebel base, while he spent every night wrapped in the arms of the woman that he— _that they_ \--loved.

Still it was far from a happy mission.

By their second month, they had collected more troubling evidence connecting Anakin to Darth Vader. Everywhere they went, they also heard disturbing stories about Vader’s ruthlessness; about how he was spreading fear and darkness throughout the galaxy. With each new piece of the puzzle, Fives found Ahsoka growing quieter, more withdrawn. He felt her Light fading slightly.

It was painful to see, knowing there was little he could do to help. 

If he was being honest, he hadn’t been as surprised by the revelations about Anakin as either Ahsoka or Rex seemed to be. As someone who was trained to notice what others didn’t, he had observed time and again during the Clone Wars how their fearless, reckless General often used his power to dominate and annihilate his opponents in ways the other Jedi did not. He also remembered how possessive he could be of those he loved.

Reluctantly, after their third month together, Fives tearfully said his goodbyes to Ahsoka, as she set course back to the Chopper base. He was worried about her. He tried in his final kiss to tell her how much he loved her. Silently, he hoped Rex could convince her not to go to Malachor, where he knew she was heading.

At Chopper base, Ahsoka immediately went to Rex before speaking to anyone else. She told him everything she had found with Fives and everything she hoped to find on Malachor. _Hopefully, the last piece of the puzzle._

Rex and her made love that night, but with a heavy feeling of dread hanging over them. In the morning, insisting that she had to go speak with Kanan and Ezra to debrief them on what she’d found, Ahsoka gave Rex a deep, mournful kiss. He was certain she would come back to give a proper goodbye. But when she didn’t return within the hour, he knew she had left with them.

Rex got onto his commlink immediately. He begged her to come back to the base and take him with her. He could protect her. He could have commanded her to take him, he told her, half joking, half serious.

 _May the Force be With You,_ was the last thing he said to her as she, Kanan, and Ezra raced through space toward Malachor.

****

Four days later, Rex watched as Ezra dragged a badly hurt Kanan off the Phantom. He looked expectantly to see where Ahsoka was. But he knew before Ezra said a word.

_She was gone._


	16. Between Worlds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If anyone can figure out what happened to Ahsoka, it is Fives and Rex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This could technically be read as the final chapter, but I have an epilogue of sorts that sets up the future of the story and fills in some of the gaps from this one.

The Ghost crew turned around as one to look at Rex. He felt the air leave his body.

_It couldn’t be? How could he have killed her?! Anakin was her older brother. He loved her!_

It took the last of his strength not to collapse in front of his friends and comrades. The trained soldier in him knew he had to remain strong, especially in front of the _kid_ , who looked like he was on the verge of falling apart. _And Kanan!_ _What had happened to poor Kanan?_ Hera was supporting her lover’s weight, trying not to cry.

Rex turned around without another word, heading back to his quarters. _To their quarters_. As soon as the door shut behind him, he collapsed on the floor—still smelling her scent in the room.

He could feel himself sliding head first into the darkness. The one he had kept at bay for so long. The darkness that had taken over him when he heard Sidious issue Order 66. The darkness that had taken over when _he_ had almost killed her. The darkness that nearly consumed him when _she_ had left him behind. And now the darkness was back--after getting to be with her again after so long. He felt the crushing agony of the darkness, from losing her—losing her light—forever.

_What was Fives going through?_

_Fives!_ Rex realized he didn’t know.

Rex reached for his commlink, his hands trembling.

_[From Anchor to Air:] She’s gone._

Sending the message took the last of his strength. Rex put down the commlink and let the sadness wholly consume him. He cried alone in his quarters for hours, refusing to meet with anyone at the base, even Zeb and Sabine who stopped by to give him words of comfort. 

It wasn’t until he saw Fives’ response a day later that he finally got himself up off the floor.

_[From Air to Anchor:] We need to meet, vod._

****

One rotation later, Rex and Fives met on the Rishi moon. It had been the place where they had first met—the captain and the shiny. It had been here that their bond had first been forged. And it seemed the most fitting place to remember the woman both men had loved. _And Lost._

As soon as he got off his ship, Fives saw Rex waiting for him.

The gaunt look on his brother’s face told him Rex hadn’t been sleeping or eating either. Somehow seeing his vod’s misery reflected back at him made the feeling of loss more real. More intense. Fives’ self-control was rapidly slipping, though he kept reminding himself: _this had always been the price of loving Ahsoka._

The two clones made no dramatic gestures or proclamations. They silently walked up to one another, letting their tears fall freely as they clasped arms and put their foreheads against one another in the Mandalorian way. Rex kissed the top of Fives’ heads, just like he used to with the young shinies. Fives found it deeply comforting.

Finally, Fives asked, “What happened, vod?” His voice cracked. He hadn’t spoken to anyone since he’d received Rex’s message. 

Rex collapsed where he stood, on the hard ground of the moon. Fives followed his lead.

“There’s not much to say, vod. She went to Malachor with Kanan and Ezra and… and didn’t come back.” Tears started spilling from Rex’s eyes again. Fives looked down. It was more painful to hear Rex say it aloud.

“And you’re sure…. _He_ did it?” Rex knew Fives was referring to Vader.

Rex nodded.

Ezra had finally told him the full story back at the base, even though Rex had not wanted to hear it. But he also understood that the young Jedi needed _him_ to know. He wanted to lessen his own consuming feelings of guilt. But Rex didn’t blame the poor kid. It wasn’t his fault or Kanan’s. Rex told both of them that before he left.

Clearing his throat, Rex turned back to Fives. “Ezra and Kanan were with her. That monster Maul was there too. He blinded poor Kanan. And Ezra, he was being attacked by Vader. Ezra told me Ahsoka rushed in and held him off. Eventually, she pushed Ezra away with the Force just as the Sith Temple was beginning to collapse, trapping her with that…. thing.” Rex spat out the last words with such intense hatred.

Fives felt the last of the blood draining from his face. He dropped his head and covered his face in his hands, choking on his tears—his entire body shaking uncontrollably.

_Why did she always have to be so kriffing noble?_

“You have to know vod,” Rex said thickly through his own tears, “I tried to go with her. But she refused…”

Fives nodded silently. _He knew how stubborn she was._

Rex and Fives sat together for what seemed hours, letting their emotions wash over them in painful waves.

Then Rex finally spoke again, sounding deeply unsure of himself. “Fives?”

Fives stared at his Captain. His face already looked twenty years older.

Rex hesitated for a moment, then continued. “I don’t know what to make of this. I believe what Ezra told me. And knowing what Vader is. What he has done. I don’t think he would have hesitated to kill her….”

Fives looked up, unsure of where Rex was going with this line of thought.

Rex put a hand over his own heart, as if steadying himself. “I’ve been meditating, like she taught me. And…. And I can’t explain it, Fives. But I can still _feel her_ through the Force.”

Fives felt a jolt of energy rushing through his own body. He had felt her as well. “Me too, Rex. But I thought maybe it meant she’d simply changed forms after she was….” _Killed._ He couldn’t bring himself to say the word. 

“Maybe that’s it,” Rex said sadly.

They sat again in silence for a while. Rex closed his eyes and started to repeat the mantra. _I am one with the Force. And the Force is with Me._

He said it over and over again. And as he pushed out into the Force, as she had taught him, he felt a light pushing back. _Her Light._

Finally, he opened his eyes to see Fives looking in surprise back at him. “I felt it too, vod!”

“We’re way out of our depths here, Fives. I can’t explain it. But I…. I don’t think she’s really gone from this world. I feel her the same way I felt her when she was away on missions. When she was away with you. There was a brief moment when I completely felt her absence while she was on Malachor. But then a few moments later, her Light was back again. I can’t explain it.”

Fives stared at Rex for a while. _It seemed too good to be true_.

“Maybe, Rex….” Fives knew what he wanted to believe, but it just didn’t make sense. “Maybe we just aren’t ready to let her go yet. Do you think that could be it? I mean if Kanan and Ezra, who are Jedis, think she’s gone…”

Rex shook his head. _No. He had lost people he’d loved. Too many._ He knew what that felt like. And he knew no matter how much pain he was in now, he would say goodbye to her, if she was truly gone.

But Ahsoka had taught him much about the ways of the Force in the past ten months. He was no Force wielder, but he did share a strong Force bond with her. So did Fives. And the Force was telling him something. _He just had to listen. To trust in it._

Finally, Rex turned back to Fives. “I think we need to go find her.”

Fives didn’t know if he was agreeing because the thought of her truly being gone was still too painful, or if a part him, really believed Rex.

“If what you’re saying is true, Rex, we have to keep this to ourselves. If anyone finds out… especially… _the Empire…_ she will be in terrible danger _._ We have to get to her first.”

****

It took Fives and Rex another five months to finally track her down.

Though Fives continued to doubt that she was alive, the small ray of hope that Rex had given him, kept him from falling into total despair. From Rishi, Fives and Rex had immediately gone to Malachor, but didn’t find her anywhere. Then Fives started returning to all places the two of them had visited the months before.

Meanwhile, Rex started quietly looking through the intel coming in through the Rebel spy networks for any clues. Anything that might point them in the right direction. 

A few weeks later, he started to notice patterns in all the chatter coming in from various corners of the Galaxy. Short coded messages. References to battles in the Clone Wars. Their old nicknames for Obi-Wan. Names of clones who had died. Dates. All seemingly random, meaningless information if anyone else had been paying attention.

Rex sent these pieces of information to Fives, who started mapping the data on to known coordinates in the Galaxy. Fives traveled to some of the places to investigate. Slowly he pieced all the information together. It took him and Rex a few more months to finally see that they were leading them to one place: Umbara.

 _How Ironic._ She had been hiding out on that Force forsaken planet.

It was a mark of how much they both loved her that Fives and Rex traveled to Umbara, the site of some of their worst memories. But that planet also represented an essential turning point for the three of them.

They landed near the old abandoned separatist base, the very place where Fives had almost been executed.

She was there, waiting for them, with her arms crossed in a way so reminiscent of Obi-Wan, it made the two men laugh.

“Took you long enough,” she said with an enormous smile. She looked considerably thinner and was covered in a billowing white robe, but otherwise looked healthy. Before either of them could say anything, she was racing toward them and pulling them into a bone-crushing hug.

“I missed you both so much,” tears fell from her face.

Rex and Fives took turns kissing her, holding her, and gently stroking her lekku. Fives kept laughing uncontrollably in his happiness. Rex kept a tight grip on her hand, not wanting to part from her touch, though unable to say anything at all.

They all curled up next to each other on the floor of Fives’ ship, as they raced far away from Umbara.

For Ahsoka, the journey had been a harrowing one. But in this moment, all she felt was peace. Lying in the arms of the two men she loved. She felt truly balanced.


	17. More time (an epilogue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who was so encouraging as I posted this story with the comments and kudos! It has been quite an experience sharing my first fanfic. Thank you again.

For the next two years, Rex and Fives kept Ahsoka’s survival after Malachor a deeply-guarded secret, even as the Rebellion was now in full force.

There were many moments when Rex wanted to talk to Ezra about it, knowing the essential role he would play in saving her. But Ahsoka had made it absolutely clear to Rex that the young jedi could not know in advance—as that knowledge could alter the very outcome they sought.

Since leaving Malachor, Ahsoka had learned much more about the perils of time travel. She had taken an enormous risk letting Fives and Rex find her after her time in the World Between Worlds. Indeed, it was the reason she hadn’t used their old channels to tell them how to find her outright. If someone else, especially Vader, had intercepted those messages, they would have realized she was still alive—potentially putting her present self, past self, and future self in peril. Who knew what wider impact that could have?

But knowing the tremendous risks, Ahsoka also couldn’t let the two men she loved so deeply continue to suffer, thinking she was gone. So, despite the dangers, she put her spy skills—and her deep trust in Rex and Fives’ abilities—to help them ( _and only them_ ) find her.

****

Since Ahsoka returned to their world, Fives and Rex took turns spending time with Ahsoka in far flung systems, sometimes in unchartered space, even as they each followed their own paths.

Fives officially began working as a spy for the Rebellion, though none of the new Fulcrums—Cassian or Kallus or any of the others that followed—knew his real identity or the fact that he was doing some of his missions alongside the original Fulcrum. As a pair, Fives and Ahsoka made excellent spies. And they found that their penchant for spy games--and role playing--only heightened their pleasures in the bedroom.

Rex expanded his leadership role with the Rebellion, helping plan and fight in some of the most important battles of the Galactic Civil War, as it was now being called. First at Chopper Base, then Lothal, later Yavin, and one day, Endor. His seniority in the Alliance's leadership afforded him certain allowances and privileges, including the right to plan and execute his own missions. That freedom gave him ample opportunities to spend several blissfully uninterrupted days with his Ahsoka far away from the battles, planning, and losses of the War. He always returned to the fight with renewed courage and strength. 

For her part, Ahsoka knew she couldn’t support the Rebellion in more direct ways until after Ezra entered the Jedi temple on Lothal to pull her out of Malachor. But she had left the World between Worlds convinced that she still had an important role to play in the battle against the Dark side. It took her some time to figure out precisely what that was.

Ezra had opened up Ahsoka’s mind to how much more about the Force she didn’t know. Still hidden from the world, she started tracking down ancient texts, forgotten libraries, hidden temples, and holocrons all over the galaxy in an effort to learn more about the Sith, Jedi, and ways of the Force—knowledge that had largely been forbidden by the Jedi Council.

Eventually, Ahsoka’s travels led her to Yoda on the swamp planet of Dagobah. There the aging Jedi told her about Anakin’s son, Luke, and about Obi-Wan’s role in protecting him. Ahsoka felt a renewed love and admiration for her old Grandmaster, who had given up his own life to protect her Master’s child.

She, in turn, confessed to Yoda that she was growing frustrated, remaining in the shadows of the Rebellion. She thought she might be the only one left who could stop her former Master.

“Defeating the Emperor and the one known as Darth Vader is not your path, my young friend” Yoda told her without hesitation. She looked surprised and a little hurt by his words. 

_She was so sure that was her true purpose. The reason Ezra had saved her._

“More dangerous and uncertain your path is,” he continued after a long pause. “Long have I meditated here, my young friend. And know do I that your destiny was always to _become_ the balance between Light and Dark—just like the Bendu, who befriended and returned Force sight to your friend, Kanan.”

Ahsoka looked at him confused.

“White your lightsabers shine, hmm?” he asked. Ahsoka nodded her head.

“White is the color of balance in the Force. It may be the destiny of Skywalker’s son to defeat the Sith. But yours is to teach others how to bring balance between the Light and Dark. This was the path of the original Jedi. Now it is yours.”

Ahsoka was taken aback by the weight of Yoda’s words. It was not what she had expected. She felt overwhelmed and uncertain about the journey he was offering her. _Surely as someone who had walked away from the Jedi, she was not worthy of this awesome responsibility._

Sensing her hesitation, her old Grandmaster looked into her mind and saw that which was holding her back. _Attachments. Commitments. Fear of Loss. Her love for Rex and Fives._

The little green Jedi smiled at her knowingly. “Balance is in your nature, Ahsoka,” Yoda said affectionally. “And attachment. Hmm yes. Attachment brings you balance. And you…” he pointed his walking stick at her. “You bring balance to the Force. Wrong the Jedi were to prevent this.” He nodded his head sadly.

Before she left Dagobah, Yoda offered one last cryptic message before disappearing into the swamps again. “Another there is, Ahsoka. Another you must find, like me. _Heal them_ he will. And teach him balance, you must.”

She meditated on those words for a long time, trying to make sense of them. When Yoda passed into the Force a year later, she received a vision that revealed their true meaning.

*****

**5 ABY**

After the Battle of Endor, Rex thought he had earned his retirement as a soldier once and for all. He felt his rapid aging bringing him ever closer to the end, and he was in no state to track down Imps that had dispersed around the Galaxy.

Though Fives hid his aches and pains better than Rex, he too felt his body giving up on him. He stopped his bounty hunting entirely. He bought the cabin in the woods from Hamla’s brother and made it his home base.

While the two clones seemed to be rapidly fading, Ahsoka continued to grow brighter, more powerful in the Force. She radiated an indescribable calm and strength that they found seeped into their own old, tired bodies, rejuvenating them whenever they were with her—which now that the war had ended, meant more time than ever before. 

Sometimes separately, sometimes together, they traveled with her on her ongoing mission to find Force wielders in the galaxy and to teach them balance in the Force or simply to learn more about the mysteries of the Force.

It helped that with Vader finally gone, Ahsoka was finally able to step out of the shadows.

They could enjoy their relationships with her in the beautiful light of day.

Ever the romantic, Rex still relished the feeling of holding his mate’s hands as they walked through far flung marketplaces together, proudly showing his affections for her as they chatted with strangers or haggled over trinkets.

Fives nearly always insisted on taking her dancing no matter what planet they landed on, usually keeping them up late, even though his old body regretted it immensely in the morning.

****

All the while, Rex and Fives didn’t know that Ahsoka was secretly pursuing another mission. One that had everything to do with them.

Soon after Endor, Ahsoka came to Fives with an odd request.

She needed his help to track down a child—a powerful Force user. She had seen him in a Force vision, and she was convinced supporters of the Dark Side were after him too. Ahsoka needed Fives to find him and protect him. She explained that he would look like a much younger Yoda, and that he would eventually travel with a man who Fives would recognize as kin—though he would not be a brother.

Though Fives didn’t fully understand what Ahsoka was talking about or why she needed the child, he knew he wouldn’t let her down. _She could depend on him._

Meanwhile, she recruited Rex to help her and Sabine track down Ezra. She had promised Ezra back in the World between Worlds that she would find him. She would honor that promise. She owed Ezra every moment she had been able to enjoy with Rex and Fives since Malachor.

So, while Fives searched the galaxy for this enigmatic child, Rex, Sabine, and Ahsoka searched for Kanan’s former padawan.

And Ahsoka knew that if Fives succeeded, this child could give the two men she loved more time. More time they deserved. More time with her. More time to help her protect the precious new balance that they were finally spreading throughout the galaxy.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work of fanfic! So please be kind.  
> This story was inspired by recent works from Jade_Max and others, who have explored what it would mean for Ahsoka to have feelings for (and relationships with) more than one clone. 
> 
> ** The first four chapters cover ground that others have similarly explored of Ahsoka and Rex's relationship post Order 66, but then begins to take a very different path starting with Chapter 5 and 6, so stay tuned! (The entire work has already been written, but I will post over the next week or so.)


End file.
